“If she was dead, Rocky would know. The whole world would know. So no news is good news.”
Cian nods.
“And if we’re wrong, then I can just take it out on Hawk.”
“Exactly.”
“Thanks for talking to me.”
He nods. “Anytime.” Just as he moves to stand, I reach out and grasp his wrist.
“Wait—”
Cian sits back down. “What?”
“I…” Taking a deep breath, I angle to face him more. “It’s not that I didn’t trust you. Honestly, with everything that’s been going on, I didn’t think it was in any way important while we were focused on Hexagon. But last year? I didn’t tell you about my past, not because I didn’t trust you. If anything, I trusted you too much and it made me scared that this perfect little thing I’d carved out for myself was going to vanish. I didn’t entirely think you would judge my past, but I thought I was facing a horrible chance that you’d never look at me the same again and I didn’t want that.”
Cian silently catches my gaze and the words keep coming.
“Everything about you, Cian, was perfect. Too perfect. And I don’t mean that in a jokey way because you’re the younger, hotter guy, but you saw me. You always seemed to see me, and I loved that. I loved the way you’d touch me and look at me like I was precious. I felt like we had the entire world at our feet and I was so scared that if you knew my father had been a spy, that I’d been a traitor too, that you wouldn’t look at me the same. Or worse, you would see me as a threat to your family and I know they came first. I…” Emotion catches in my throat like a cotton ball, and I swallow hard, barely blinking. “It sounds like an excuse, I know, but it’s not. I was scared of losing you and I was never going to go back to that life, so it didn’t feel relevant to the future I wanted with you.”
As soon as I finish, I hold my breath like some kind of reflex awaiting Cian’s response. His brow dips and his gaze falls away from mine. While he remains silent, he doesn’t pull away from my touch and my heart starts to pound. Maybe it sounds likea weak excuse but I can’t explain how badly it amplified in my mind. I was utterly in love with him and so scared of losing him.
But it happened anyway.
“I had no idea,” Cian says after a long silence.
“I know,” I murmur. “And I should have told you sooner. You know how much miscommunication grates on me and I was part of the cause, but you were so angry and I was defensive and then it sort of snowballed from there and now… now we’re closing in on Hawk and even angry, you’ve taken the time to comfort me.”
“Not angry.” Cian shakes his head. “Well, not really. Reactive, I think, is a better term.”
Our eyes meet and my heart skips a beat. “So you’re not mad at me anymore.”
“I am a little,” he admits softly. “But it will pass, I think. With time and processing. I understand. I can hardly hold it against you, and trust is…” He shakes his head. “I can’t explain it. It feels like you’re the only thing holding me together and I hate to put that responsibility on you, so when it felt like you didn’t trust me, I felt like I was?—”
“Hush,” I murmur, cupping his cheek. “I want that responsibility. Look at us. We’re in the middle of the ocean being hunted by Interpol and international criminals and we’re alone. All we have is each other, and I want that responsibility. I’m here for it because I-I know… I know you hold me too.”
Cian’s eyes dart back and forth between mine while his cheek warms my palm and the sun burns against my back. It’s a pleasant heat but somehow, contact with Cian is hotter. Then, with no warning, he sinks forward and his lips claim mine.
It’s a slow, gentle kiss with his lips slotting neatly over my own and his arm sliding around my waist. He draws me in close against his sun-warmed T-shirt and my eyes close as the initial surprise passes.
Does this mean I’m forgiven?
Or we’re back on track?
I hesitate to look deeper into the meaning and focus instead on how much I missed the soft press of his lips, the light graze of his beard, and the strength of his grip around me. Looping one arm around his neck, I draw myself closer and arch my body into him for a deeper kiss. He obliges and soon presses me back down onto the sun lounger with a soft, low groan.
There’s no strong intent behind the kiss, not even as he breaks away to adjust his angle and kiss me a little firmer, focusing on my upper lip and then my lower. Lying back brings him on top of me and he braces one arm on the lounger next to my shoulder. Cian balances with a knee between my thighs and gradually, his kisses grow more and more insistent.
Warmth hotter than the blazing sun above us rages through my body and settles deep in my core. My eyes close and I focus on the brush of his other hand against my naked abdomen, the warmth of his thigh between my legs, and the sudden hot brush of his wet tongue against the seam of my mouth.
My lips part and I invite him in willingly while caressing one hand up into his hair and threading the strands between my fingers. His other warm hand slides down to my hips and toys with the seam of my bikini as if asking for permission. I grant it by widening my thighs but just as I’m about to wrap them around his waist, he breaks the kiss and slides down my body.Both his hands caress my hips and my bare thighs as he kisses a path down over my breasts, across my stomach, down until he’s face to face with my pussy.
Any other words die in my mind when he presses his hot tongue flat against my underwear and licks me through the fabric. Despite balancing on my elbow to watch him, I can’t maintain the posture and eventually slump back down onto the lounger as he laps repeatedly at me. His flat, soft tongue traces hot, wet patterns over my pussy until I’m squirming and panting with need.
I want to feel him. The real thing.
I want him against me and not through a barrier of fabric.
