“No. You don’t understand. Part of me started this because I was hoping to die at the end. Either by trying to avenge my family or by killing myself at the end.”
“And now?”
“Now?”
She nods. “You said you started this with those feelings, and I do not blame you. But do you still feel that way?”
Of courserises up like a surge but for some reason, those words don’t make it past my lips. I stare at her silently while my desire to end this terrible life clashes with all the warm feelings that surge each time I look in her eyes.
“You don’t, do you?” Faina leans forward and rests her forearms on the table. “I can tell. When I found you in Italy, you were like a dark shadow cloaked in all this pain. I know what you went through can’t be soothed in a month or even a year, but I’m here for you, Cian. I want to help you because I care about you. I never fell out of love with you, but I’m not a random sex kind of girl. So that’s why I asked if you still loved me because if you didn’t, then I would make that boundary so fucking clear.”
“The pain isn’t gone,” I reply softly, struggling to find the right words. “But I… you’re right. I don’t think I want to anymore. At least not right now.”
Faina’s face warms with an easy smile. “I know. Some days will be better than others. I just wanted to know where we stood on this.”
“So… what does this mean?”
Faina laughs loudly then. “You need me to spell it out for you?”
No. I don’t. Faina’s reignited something inside me, a small fire that’s slowly warming the dark, grief-stricken corners of my soul with hope that there might be a life that exists at the end of all of this. That instead of dying for the family I failed, I could live for them instead.
“So you still like me.”
Faina affectionately rolls her eyes. “And you’re supposed to be the brains between the two of us. Of course I do. Althoughlikeis doing a disservice to how I feel about you.”
“How so?”
“Do youlikeme?”
“I mean… yeah.”
“But it’s more than that, isn’t it?”
I nod.
“See? The brains…” She shakes her head, chuckling. “Fuck, we really have changed. Do you remember when you cornered me in that coffee shop and wouldn’t let me leave until I agreed to get dinner?”
“I honestly thought you were going to kill me.”
“I would have if I didn’t want to say yes, but I enjoyed your persistence because I already knew I was going to say yes. I just wanted to make sure you really meant what you were asking.”
“Of course I meant it.” I chuckle. “I’ve never lied to you, Faina. Despite our different allegiances.”
“Well, well. An honest man.” Her eyes flash with a teasing warmth. “Who knew they still existed?”
“Ouch.” I grin back. “You realize you’re giving me hope.”
“Hope isn’t a bad thing.”
“It is when we’re facing something down like Hexagon.”
“So what? An international Mafia is no different from some other family we’d deal with in New York. They’re bigger and flashier, but look at us.” She motions between us. “We’re still on their tail and oh, my God.” She lifts one hand to her mouth. “We’re relearning emotional stability after trauma.”
“Fuck you!” Our laughter mingles and draws a few curious glances from other people, but I only have eyes for Faina. “You’re talking like you think there’s going to be anafterHexagon.”
“There has to be,” Faina replies simply. “There’s no way I’m getting a love acknowledgment out of you only for us to end up with no time to explore it. Once Hawk is dead and New York is calm… you’re taking me out to dinner. A real dinner.”
“You want to be romanced?”
