Faina and I never spoke about work. It was our one rule. We wanted to be together, and if times had been better, it might have worked out. But not now.
I’m a ruined man now. I don’t deserve someone as good and kind as her. She has the reputation of being an ice princess with only care for her Godmother, Anastasia, but I know the truth. She has a big heart.
I loved her for it.
And it’s why she deserves better than me. Maybe she always did.
“Cian?” Faina’s head tilts and her warm thumb brushes my cheek. “What’s wrong?”
“Hmm?” She drags me from my nostalgic thoughts and right back to the present.
“You said you were checking their pockets and then trailed off.” Her lips briefly press into a soft line while her eyes dart between mine. “What’s wrong?”
For a moment, I can’t speak. She’s so close, and if I let the background fade away, it’s like old times. When life was simpler and I was sneaking away to spend a night in her arms. We’d spar together, read books, share movies, and doom-scroll online until the early hours of the morning. And each time we failed to sleep, we’d tell each other that next time, we definitely would. But we never did.
And now she’s here.
Right in front of me. She’s leaning so close that I can see the faint speckles of green in her gorgeous blue eyes, and I can smell all the individual notes of her perfume. Her hand remains on my cheek where she’s carefully covering the scratches in antibiotic cream after cleaning them.
“I…” My throat closes, and it takes all my strength to look away. When this is over, Faina will go on to live a good life. I’m nothing but a curse. “Nothing, sorry. I was just thinking.”
“Care to share?” she asks softly.
“No. And I found nothing in their pockets. If anything, I suspected you sent them to kill me.”
“And why would I do that?” Her soft, pink lips stretch into a small smile. “I’m capable of killing you myself.”
“Times change.”
“They do, but people don’t.”
“Bullshit.”
Her touch hesitates near my jaw. “We haven’t changed.”
“Again, bullshit.” I look back in her eyes. “We’re completely different people compared to…”
“When?” Her head tilts gently to the left, exposing the long, soft length of her neck that used to cry out for my attention.
“You know when,” I say tightly.
Faina’s eyes close briefly. “I do.”
“Then why are you even asking me?”
“Because somehow, we’ve ended up together right here.” Her eyes flicker open. “Are you going to tell me you don’t think that means anything?”
I didn’t think I had any life left inside me, but it’s there, flaring like an ember deep down in the smothering darkness inside my soul. If I leaned in and kissed her, tasted her like I used to, would that ember flare into a flame? Would it reignite something real inside me?
The warmth between us builds as Faina’s soft fingertips gently skim down my sore neck to my shoulder. Giving in to comfort would be too easy, and yet it feels like a betrayal. As much as I ache for comfort, those I love are far from comfy.
I don’t deserve to be, either.
“Are you done?” I ask stiffly, dragging myself away from the temptation to kiss her. “I want to know what you know and how I was found two days after seeing you.”
5
FAINA
