Fucking hell. “I didn’t think of that, and I’m not sure Penn did either, but it could be a subconscious thing.”
She moved to the side. “Go, Gideon. Make it right.”
I kissed her cheek and rushed out of my office and to his bedroom. He had his door open, and sure enough he was packing his things…and just a little while ago he’d been settling in.
“Don’t go.”
He turned, jeans in hand. “I’m not staying here, Gideon, and before you give me the ‘it’s not safe’ bullshit, I’m aware. I thought about that. Lorcan thinks I’m here. If he never sees me leave, he will think I still am.”
“Penn, we had an argument. You can’t run every time things get a little hard.”
He scoffed and shoved the pants in his bag. “As a matter of fact, I can. See, I spent a shit-ton of time dealing with the tough things. When Tenny died, I promised myself I was going to live the rest of my life at peace.”
“And alone?”
“If I have to, yes, Gideon.”
I inched closer. “What I said, I was wrong, and it was?—”
“Doesn’t matter.”
He moved to get the rest of his clothes, and I grabbed his arms and spun him to face me. “It does matter.”
“No, it doesn’t. You’re not the first person to make me feel like a monster or a freak, someone void of all the things a human being needs. You won’t be the last. I’m not mad, Gideon, I’m just done.”
“No.”
He scoffed. “Sorry, this isn’t something you get to dictate.”
“You can’t go. I’m sorry, Penn.”
“And I’m sorry I interfered with Owen. You were right, I should never have said anything, even once we were alone.” He shifted out of my hold. “This isn’t my home or my family, it’s yours. I don’t belong here anymore than I belong anywhere, and that’s not a plea for your guilt. I’ve accepted it a long time ago.”
“It’s a shit thing to accept, Penn.” My voice rose.
He shrugged. “You see that to be true but to someone like me, it’s normal.”
“You’re not a monster or a freak, Penn.”
He smirked. “I appreciate you saying that.” He grabbed the books from the nightstand and placed them on the bed and moved to get the box.
“Penn.”
He peered over his shoulder. “Hmm?”
“You tell me you’re a monster, but I don’t think you know what a true monster is.”
He dropped his arms, the box forgotten. “Monsters come in all shapes.”
I nodded and walked closer to him. “True. But monsters, real monsters, they kill, they break things, burn houses with children in them, tie men to chairs and hurt them to get what they need.” I lifted my hands to show them to Penn. “Lorcan is a monster;I’m a monster. These hands have ended lives, taken hope.” Gently I moved them to cup his face. “You’re a hero, Penn.”
He closed his green eyes briefly. “You’re not a monster either.”
“I am, but you know what I’d like?”
He swallowed. “What?”
“I’d like to be your monster, Penn.” He gasped. “Please stay.”
