I shake my head with a smile, wishing for a second that I could feel anything but friendship for him. He knows what he wants out of life and goes after it, no holds barred. But that’s a pointless fantasy, because Alec isn’t ready to settle down, and what I feel for him…It doesn’t even touch on what I felt for Dillon.
The door opens, and a cold breeze sweeps through the cafe, teasing my ankles. I glance up—a subconscious move more than anything else—my eyes immediately landing on the man walking inside as if he was summoned by my thoughts. Dillon clocks me in the next second, his hazel eyes widening in surprise before his mouth curves.
My heart jumps erratically in my chest. “Oh, shit,” I hiss between my teeth.
Alec sits up, head swinging around. “Oh, well, now…” he says under his breath. “This afternoon just got a little more interesting.”
“Did you know he was going to be here?” I demand quietly, leaning across the table. “I know you know who he is. I know you go to Barrett’s stupid video game nights.”
Barrett suggested inviting Dillon along to me first, wanting to make sure I was fine with it. At first, it was weird, but I wasn’t petty enough to stop it from happening, especially knowing how badly Dillon needs friends that aren’t completely assholes. So, Barrett and I came up with a deal: he doesn’t tell me about Dillon or whatever they get up to, and Barrett doesn’t tell Dillon about me.
Now, Alec’s staring at me, all humor fading away into sincerity. “I didn’t know, sweetheart. You know I don’t mess around like that.”
I search his face before sinking into my seat, exhalingheavily. “You’re right. Sorry. I just…” I trail off, watching Dillon out of the corner of my eye as he heads for the counter to order.
“It’s been six months,” Alec says, like I’ve not been aware of every single day since everything happened. “Maybe it’s time to talk to him, get closure, and shut the door on the relationship, once and for all.” His words settle like a stone, and something about my expression has his mouth curling at the edges. “Or talk to him and see if there’s a way forward.”
“There’s no way forward,” I insist. “You know what he said. What he did.”
“I know,” he agrees easily. “Think of me as an unbiased party. I didn’t know either of you well before it all happened, but I can see the aftermath.” He lifts a shoulder. “I can’t say whether he’s learned from what he did, but he’s been paying for his crimes since. Don’t you think?” He tilts his head, a small smile playing on his lips. “He lost you, after all.”
I roll my lips inward, looking away, but Alec isn’t finished. “You gotta ask yourself…Why were you okay with Barrett inviting him to hang out? He seems to be warming up to him, even if he does keep giving the guy hell.”
“There were conditions,” I mutter.
“Why let it happen in the first place?” he asks insistently.
“It had nothing to do with me,” I tell him firmly. “Dillon needed better friends in his life than what he had, and I was just”—I look away, mouth working—“sharing mine. It doesn’t mean I care about him, because I don’t.”
Alec eyes me with no small amount of disbelief, but he doesn’t bother arguing. Instead, he sets hiscoffee down and stands up. “Well, I need to piss, so you can keep telling yourself that you don’t care while you’re talking to him.”
My eyes bounce over to where Dillon’s grabbed his takeaway cup and is heading our way. I hiss, “Don’t you dare leave me al?—”
Alec’s already walked away. I watch him go, my heart in my throat, but then Dillon’s standing there, his eyes fastened to my face.
“Charlie,” he says my name reverently—adoringly—like it hasn’t been half a year since we last laid eyes on each other. “It’s really good to see you.” His hazel eyes flick between me and the empty seat before sliding over to the door Alec disappeared through.
I don’t invite him to sit down. The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I press my lips together, staring up at him silently.
Dillon looks different, which surprises me. In my mind, he was frozen—exactly the same as the day I left. Now, a short, well-trimmed beard covers his jaw. His hair is longer, too. I fixate on the way it curls over his collar, wondering if he has let it get like that because he couldn’t be bothered cutting it or…
My breath catches in my throat, unable to stop the image of someone else dragging her fingers through it, scratching her nails against the back of his neck, the way he likes.
If he’s found someone else, I can’t blame him for it. Idon’t. It’s not like I’ve been sitting around, waiting for him. And yet, the logic does nothing to dampen the hurt and jealousy creeping through me.
“I’ve missed you,” Dillon says. I blink him into focus, surprise washing over me. He steps closer, his hand too tightaround the takeaway cup, the paper beginning to crumple in his hold. I eye it warily, and he sets it down, stepping back like he just released a bomb, his cheeks flushing.
The last thing I want to feel is amused, and yet, I find myself biting back a smile, not used to him being this nervous around me.
“Are you—” Dillon’s eyes flit to the bathroom door. “You’re here with Alec?”
I rest my arms on the tabletop. “Yeah, I am. But I’m notwithhim.” His shoulders drop with relief until I add, “Anymore.”
The color drains from his face so fast, I’m worried he might actually faint. His mouth opens and shuts, and a small kindling of guilt tries to spark to life in my chest.
I smother it ruthlessly.
He doesn’t deserve my guilt. I don’t owe him anything, especially when he was the one to burn us to the ground.I deserved better, and I don’t need to feel guilty for finding it, even if it didn’t work out for Alec and me.
