I hesitate, my gaze bouncing between the two of them until Gran swings that narrow-eyed stare on me. “Well, don’t waffle now when you clearly didn’t hold back on a woman you told us you loved.”
It feels like I’m swallowing down a mouthful of gravel, but I force the words past my lips, not leaving anything out—even when Gran’s eyes go impossibly wide, and Mom pales so much, I’m worried she might actually fall out of her chair.
A stark silence follows my words, all of us frozen and staring at each other. Gran shakes her head, getting up and shuffling over the oven, going up on her tiptoes to reach into the cabinet overhead. I watch as she blindly digs through it, pulling out a bottle of brandy with a flourish. “This feels necessary.”
At the table, Gran tips the bottle over each of our mugs for a decent helping before sitting back down. Mom stirs her tea before picking it up and sipping delicately, as if it hasn’t been liberally laced with alcohol, but Gran’s actions aren’t that surprising. Spiking drinks with spirits has always been her go-to in difficult situations—otherwise known aswhenever my dad visits.
Once we’ve all had several sips, Gran pins me with a steel-filled gaze. “Why did you accuse Charlie of cheating on you? Do you actually think she was?”
I shrug, shake my head, and then shrug again. “No. Charlie doesn’t have a disloyal bone in her body. And Barrett is—” I look away, shame coloring my cheeks. “He’s more family than her actual family.”
“Why would you accuse her of that, then?” Mom asks gently, her brow furrowed.
“I…”
When I trail off, she leans forward, her head cocked. “Is it because you were projecting?” I jerk back, my chair scraping against the tiled floor as I gape at her. “What?”
“Hm,” Gran murmurs thoughtfully. “That’s not a bad theory, Liz. I mean, it’s the first line of defense, isn’t it? Accuse the other person about the thing you’re doing or thinking of doing. And Marisa?—”
“I don’t have feelings forMarisa!” I shout, my heart racing under the sudden injection of fury in my system. “I never cheated on Charlie, and I didn’twantto.”
Gran blinks. “Well, okay. All you had to do was say that. You didn’t need to shout.”
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I yank it out with stilted movements, feeling frayed in a unique way that only my family ever does to me.
Jack:
You coming to the housewarming party tonight?
I frown down at the message, taking a second to work through my memory until I figure out what he’s talking about. Geoff played ball with Jack in college, so he’s always been on the fringes of our friend group. He and his wife moved into a new place out in the suburbs a couple of weeks ago, and I completely spaced on it.
Dillon:
Not in the mood to party, man.
It isn’t a lie, especially knowing that everybody will be there, including Bliss. With the high pressure that comes with being a corporate lawyer—her words—she likes to de-stress with alcohol and sex, so any kind of party is the perfect scene for her.
The last thing I want to do is be in her vicinity in general, or put myself in another situation where shit is going to go wrong.
“Who’s that?” Gran asks nosily.
I eye her, debating ignoring the old bat, but she always finds a way to get even, and her methods are borderline insane—like when she put my dad’s number on Craigslist five years ago with a picture of a busty blonde, asking for a good time. He still bitches about it to this day, moaning about how he had to change his number after being bombarded with unsolicited dick pics.
“Jack,” I tell her. “There’s a party tonight. A mutual friend is throwing a housewarming.” Gran eyes me like I’m stupid, and the protest spills out before I can even stop them. “I’m not going! Jesus.”
“Dillon,” Mom cuts in, reaching out to grab my hand. I look over at her, hating the pain in her eyes. “The things you said to Charlie about…” Her voice breaks a little bit, and my chest suddenly feels too tight for my organs. “About being nothing. Was that you being honest in your anger, or?—”
“No.I was just spewing hate, so angry I couldn’t stop it all from spilling out. Charlie is everything, and I never…I shouldn’t have—” I tug my hand out of hers, rubbing my sternum. “I knew what those words would do to her, but at that moment, I couldn’t control myself. I was freaking out and hurting, and Barrett was there, and he’s herperson.More than I’ve ever been. And she was so calm, laying everything out, andIwas the one who felt like nothing. And I just?—”
“Lashed out like a wounded dog,” Gran muses, cutting off my rambling. “And you struck her right where it’d hurt the most.”
My throat moves on a swallow. “Right.” I bounce my eyes between the two of them. Mom’s chewing on her cheek, looking away from me. I hate the disappointment weighing her shoulders down, because I know she’s seeing me as her worst fear come to life.
I’m just likehim.
“You are not your father,” Gran says fiercely, as if she’s reading my mind. I drag my eyes back to her. “He is a cockroach that never dies.”
“Mom—”
