Dillon:
Charlie??
Dillon:
Did you seriously just leave without saying anything. Jesus, Charlie. Everyone’s asking where you went.
Dillon:
This is fucked. I don’t know whether to be furious or terrified. Where are you? Did you go home?
Dillon:
CALL ME!
I read through them all twice, and then again. His words scrawl through my mind like a slow-creeping burn. Dillon’s always been good at saying all the right words, and yet…as soon as he dropped the “everyone’s asking”, it felt like it was a show. He’s more worried about what his friends are thinking than about me actually leaving. He didn’t seemall that concerned while they sat there, basically crucifying my body, my personality…me.
Across the room, Barrett snuffles quietly. I pause, waiting to see if he’ll wake up, knowing if he sees the messages, it’s only going to piss him off even more. After a few moments pass, I focus on my phone, eyes blurry as I tap out a message.
Charlie:
I’m fine. At Barrett’s. I’ll talk to you in the morning.
It’s marked as read immediately, and I’m not surprised when he starts calling, making me glad I had the forethought to put my phone on silent. I let it ring out, and another call lights up the screen straight after. My fingers are frozen, watching as the bubbles pop to indicate that he’s typing a message.
Dillon:
Are you being serious? I’ve been going out of my fucking mind and you’re with Barrett?! What the actual fuck, Charlie. I thought something really bad happened to you.
Something baddidhappen to me.But I’m not ready to have this conversation.
Not yet.
Not tonight.
Not when their laughter still echoes through my head, their words on a constant replay, only competing with the heavy silence as he said nothing.
Dillon:
I don’t know what’s going on with you. This isn’t okay, Charlie.
Charlie:
I’ll talk to you in the morning
I power off my phone before he can respond, knowing myself enough to realize I won’t have the willpower to stop myself from constantly checking it, or giving in if he pushes me enough. If I’m not careful, he’ll draw me into a fight, here and now, and there’s no point. We won’t solve anything. Not when I’m still so emotional.
As soon as we get into it, Dillon will go on the defensive. I can already see it now, the way he’ll tell me I’m overreacting, and that it was all just a joke. One of his flaws is never being able to take accountability for his own actions.
Sorryisn’t a word I’ve heard often over the course of our relationship, and I don’t expect to hear it now. It didn’t bother me so much before because it was never anything big. It was stuff like not loading the dirty dishes into the dishwasher when he was done with them, or forgetting to get the milk I asked for on the way home.
This conversation will be different, and I need to approach it calmly.Rationally.
I can’t let Dillon wriggle his way out of it. I can’t let him justify what happened because there is no justification for speaking about anyone so horribly and cruelly.
The person who loved me should have put an immediate stop to it. Actions speak louder than words, and Dillon’s actions were screaming tonight.
Chapter 5
