My mouth falls open. “He made you put her down? Are you serious?”
“It was his favourite job to give me,” he says drily. “Euthanasia. Said I needed to toughen up. And he’d rather get rid of an animal than pay a vet bill. We have…different ethoses.”
I watch as Crumpet pulls away, and he gently guides her face back to the bottle. “What’s your ethos?” I ask.
He looks up at me, eyes sombre behind his glasses. “They’re mine,” he says simply. “Every animal on this farm is mine. And when something is yours, you do everything in your power to take care of it. That’s your responsibility.”
My stomach quivers. “Even if she needs all of this extra attention?”
“Aye. She’s a creature, not a machine. Creatures have needs. If you’re not willing to give them what they need, you don’t deserve to have them.”
“Oh,” I breathe. As he turns his attention back to Crumpet, Fraser’s voice echoes in my ears.
He feels like he has to take care of everyone.
I wonder what it’s like to be taken care of by Alec. I’m so used to taking care of myself. Ever since I was a kid, I tried to look after myself as much as I could, so I didn’t bother my mum.
I bet it’s nice being taken care of by someone like Alec. I bet you never have to worry.
Alec looks up at me suddenly, his gaze cutting into me like a chill. “How are you?” he asks.
“Me? Oh, I’m fine.” I wriggle uncomfortably. “I’m sorry about crying on you last night.”
He doesn’t respond. A curl of hair has fallen over his forehead, and I get the weirdest itch to push it back.
“Er. Anyway, I spoke to my mum, and it turns out I’m, like, negatively impacting her business, so I’m going to stop posting for a bit. If you want, I can leave Lochview too.”
He flinches, knocking the bottle tip out of Crumpet’s mouth. She bleats, annoyed, and he makes a soothing noise that makes heat pool in me. I’m awful. “Leave? Didn’t Fraser tell you that you could stay longer?”
“He asked me to stay until the end of the month. I just know that you don’t really like me. I’ve caused a lot of trouble for you. With the boxes, and the fire alarm, and, er, walking in on you in the shower…” His entire body tenses, and I curse myself. “And the whole Fraser and Cameron thing,” I finish. “Which I assume you know about, because the soundproofing on this place is super bad. I just…feel like all I’ve done is cause you stress.”
“You said that yesterday, as well,” he says softly. “That I don’t like you.” His face darkens. “You said that I hate you.”
“Oh. Well, don’t you?”
“No. I don’t hate you.”
“Sure, sure. It’s just, I’m embarrassed that my drama is affecting everyone else. So if youdowant me to go?—”
“Summer,” he repeats firmly. “I don’t hate you.If I’ve given you that impression, I’m sorry. You’re dealing with enough hatred.”
I don’t know what to say.
“I don’t hate you,” he repeats. “I find you…distracting.”
“Right,” I croak. “Because I’m a massive mess.”
Alec closes his eyes briefly. “Okay,” he says, as if to himself. “Okay.” He looks down at Crumpet, who’s finished her bottle and started chewing on his joggers. “One moment, please,” he says, standing.
I watch as he carries Crumpet to the corner of the room. Holding her with one arm, he opens a cupboard and pulls out what looks like a baby’s playpen. I guess this isn’t the first time they’ve nursed sheep inside the farmhouse. He settles her carefully inside and rejoins me on the sofa. This time, he sits closer to me, his knee pressing against mine.
“Summer,” he says firmly. “You’re staying on the farm. For the next three weeks, you’re staying.”
“That’s very kind of you, but?—”
“No, it’s not,” he says. “I’m not being kind. I’m keeping you here because I don’t want you to leave.” A log shifts in the fireplace.
I shiver. The air between us feels loaded. “What? Why?”
