“No,” I say immediately. “No. Absolutely not.”
“Are you sure? I know you haven’t told anyone, but it might be a good time…”
I shake my head. “People will think I’m making an excuse.”
“But—”
My voice raises. “They won’t get it, Lulu. Trust me.”
I remember trying to explain the awful feeling of being overwhelmed to my mum or the teachers at school. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I just knew that my brain felt like it was on fire, and I was trapped inside it with no way out. It didn’t matter how genuinely distressed I was, no one empathised. In fact, the more upset I was, the more they’d tell me I was overdramatic and whiny. I eventually learned to just hide away or plaster on a smile.
Lulu sighs. “All right, then. Get in your Notes app, say you won’t burst into tears the next time you hit pan on your eyeshadow, and then keep posting as normal. I’ve racked up some favours from other influencers, I’ll see if they can step in and defend you.”
“Okay,” I say in a small voice.
“And another thing. We’ve had quite a few sponsorships drop in the last twelve hours.”
I close my eyes. I already know what she’s going to say. “Icons Only?”
“No news from them yet.”
Yet. But they could drop me at any time.
There’s some chatter in the background.Lulu swears. “Look, I have to go. I’ll send you a draft for the apology in an hour, okay?”
“No,” I say. “It’s my apology. I’ll write it.”
“Okay.Call me before you post it.And please remember that even though you are apologising, crying in a bathroom isn’t actually a crime, okay? Breathe. Love you.”
“Love you too,” I croak, then hang up. With shaking hands, I open the video of me crying. The comments are a nightmare.
Came here from theChroniclearticle. Disgraceful.
If she were my daughter, I’d have a lot to say to her
How has society come to this? I don’t want my little girl looking up to people like this.
What a stupid bitch
I close my eyes. A hurricane of emotion is rising up inside of me. I try to shove it down, to lock it inside its mental box, but it just builds, getting bigger and bigger?—
There’s a knock on the door, and I jump as Cameron stalks in. He picks up his jacket from the floor and does a double take when he sees me. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing! Nothing at all!” I give him a bright smile. My hands are sweating.
“You look like a Stepford wife when you do that,” he mutters. “Me and Fraser are starting work. See you later.”
I nod like a bobblehead. “Okay, see you!”
He leaves, and I sink back onto the bed. I need to write an apology.
It takes me two hours of going back and forth with Lulu to craft something that feels okay. I chew my lip as I reread it for the millionth time.
Hey everyone!
I’m sure by now, a lot of you have seen the video of me crying at a party last week. I’m really embarrassed and ashamed about getting upset over something so trivial. I’ve been very overwhelmed with work recently, but that’s not an excuse. I promise I’ll do better in the future.
All my love,
