I take a deep breath. “Awful. The fans were so outraged, they started boycotting the show. The directors kicked me off the project because I was affecting numbers so badly.Hollywood Housewas my life. I knew the actors better than my own family. But none of that mattered.” I shrug. “And that’s how The Wicked Bitch of the West was born. It didn’t matter how much I told the truth. Everyone hated me.”
“It must have been terrifying,” Kenta says quietly.
I laugh humourlessly. “I’ve never been so scared in my life. I was a child, and it felt like the whole world had turned against me. The people who used to be my fans were now sending me death threats. I couldn’t do anything right: If I was photographed standing next to a man, I was being a hoe. If I looked upset in public, I was trying to get sympathy. If I was ignoring the paps, I was a stuck-up bitch who thought she was better than everyone else. I wanted to disappear off the face of the planet.”
“What did you do?” Matt asks, his voice low.
I sigh, taking another swig of wine. “I disappeared. I bought a house in Devon and lived there alone for years. Ordered all of my shopping online, ate takeaway, and refused to see anyone.”
I pick at a loose sequin on my dress. “For a few years, I was really depressed. I just didn’t see the point of existing. I couldn’t leave my house without being verbally abused by strangers and harassed in the press. I figured I’d never have real friends, or a partner, or a family. Everyone hated me too much. My life was already over, so what was the point?”
I’m surprised when a tear rolls down my face and lands on the pale fabric of my dress. I pull my hand free from Kenta’s and cross my arms over my chest, curling back into myself. Someone passes me a tissue.
“Thanks.” I dab at my face. “Yeah. Those were a few really dark years. Then, when I was twenty, I was watching a movie, and Thom came on screen. I looked him up, and I was shocked at how successful he was. He was doingsowell. Movies, brand deals, music. He had his own line of cologne, for God’s sake. And it was like a switch flipped in my brain. I wasn’t sad anymore, I was just really,reallyangry.” I grit my teeth. “Hewas the one who lied.Hewas the one who should be being punished, not me. I missed acting so much. So I figured, I’d moped around enough. I’d try to get back into the industry.”
Glen shifts, but no one says anything.
“I decided, instead of trying to fix my reputation, I’d lean into it. If people wanted me to be a bitch, fine. I’d be a bitch. I moved back to LA. Started taking jobs again.” I smirk. “For my very first audition, I actually tried for a movie at my old studio. They were expecting the same wounded little deer I was before I left. A mouse who just wanted to be liked and accepted by them. And instead they got me.” I jab a thumb at my chest. “I didn’t get the job, obviously. But I left that audition room feeling like… like a lion.”
I take another sip of wine, swirling the golden liquid around the glass. “It’s funny. I used to be so scared of people thinking I was mean, or stuck up, or rude. Now, if anything, I’m scared of people thinking I’mnice.I’m strongest when no one likes me. I’m safest when I’m being a bitch.”
“You’re not, though.” Kenta says quietly.
I glance up at him. “Hm?”
“You’re not rude, or stuck up, or any of it. On the inside, you’re still that sweet kid.” He takes my hand again. “You do so much charity work. You care about people. You care about us. That sweetness is still inside you.”
“I know,” I say. “That’s kind of the point. If I go out in public, and be my authentic self, and then everyone decides that they hate me—what am I supposed to do with that? There’s only so much therapy can do. Butnow?” I wave a hand over my face. “I’m playing a role. The bitchy diva. They’re not criticising the realme, just my actions. And that’s a Hell of a lot easier to handle.”
“You did all of this to protect yourself,” he realises. “You didn’t want to make yourself hard. You just wanted to keep the soft parts of you safe from everyone else.”
“I guess you could say that, yeah.” I lean forward, fire suddenly sparking inside my belly. “And you know what else? Now people listen to me. They know I’m not a doormat. They know if they screw me over, I won’t keep my mouth shut.” I glance at Matt. “You asked a while ago why I would try to ruin that creep Mario Vasquez’ life, just because I didn’t like him. The truth is, I have people contacting me every day, saying that someone powerful in the industry abused them, or cheated them out of money, or sexually harassed them, and they can’t say anything without becoming a target. But I can blow as many whistles as I want without consequence. I live outside these power games the rest of Hollywood has to play. People are scared of me, and they fucking should be.”
“I think you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met,” Glen says quietly.
I look at him, then nod. “Thank you.” I clear my throat, grabbing my wine and downing the rest of it in one long swallow. I slam the glass down on the coffee table and look between the three men. “Right. That’s enough of my tragic backstory. Do you guys want a birthday foursome?”
Glen’s laugh bursts out of him. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Matt stands slowly, heading for his bedroom. “I actually have something for you,” he calls over his shoulder. “I picked it up this morning.”
I raise an eyebrow. There’s a plastic rustling sound from the bedroom, then Matt returns, chucking something into my lap. I pick it up, examining the plastic packaging. My face flushes as I realise what my gift is.
A pink bullet vibrator.
“You didn’t,” I say, my eyes flashing up to him.
He smirks. “Princess, I’ve been dreaming of you coming around that thing for the past week. You’d better believe I did.”
I pull open the packaging and roll the toy into my palm. My whole body suddenly feels too hot.
Matt squats in front of me, holding out his hand. I pass it to him, and he presses the tiny button. All four of us watch it buzz between his fingers.
“Thank you for telling us,” Matt says quietly, meeting my eyes.
“I said I’d try to trust you. There you go.” I tilt my head. “Do I get a reward, now?”
“Yes,” he says simply. “Li, pull down the top of her dress.”
