Almost as soon as Kate has said it, she changes her mind, wanting suddenly to be the younger her, the one who existed before babies and dysfunctional surrogates and who didn’t worry about smoking hand-rolled tobacco because, back then, it seemed cool and like something you’d do in a French movie. ‘Actually, go on.’
He passes her the cigarette he’s just rolled and lights it for her. She inhales and the nicotine hits the back of her eyes, thudding through her synapses. She is light-headed and her thoughts unfurl, like sea anemones.
‘Wow,’ she says. ‘I’m out of practice.’
Ajesh laughs.
‘You know it’s not weed don’t you, fam?’
‘Yeah, OK, I’m not a complete twat.’
‘Never said you were. You were always the coolest out of all of us.’
‘As if.’
‘Seriously. Jake got very lucky with you.’
He looks at her steadily.
‘You’ve been through a lot, Katie,’ he says. ‘And Annabelle sounds like a right bitch. So, y’know, fuck her. The most important thing is that you’ll be a mum in a couple of months and that’s great. So, so great.’
She takes a second drag and then a third.
‘It’s all gonna be OK,’ he says.
‘Do you really think so?’
‘More than OK. It’ll be brilliant. You’ll be an amazing mum. Jake will be the world’s cutest dad. You just need to get through this rough patch and you’ll be golden. Trust your old uncle Ajesh.’
She smiles at him. Ajesh has always had this ability to make her feel special, as though she can handle anything. It’s nice to be reminded of it.
‘You’re so sweet, thank you.’
He leans back, turning up his collar and folding his arms. He is wearing a suede coat, a grey cashmere scarf and black jeans half tucked into oversized army boots.
‘Of course,’ he says, casually blowing a smoke ring. ‘What are friends for? You better make me godfather, that’s all I’m saying.’
‘It’s a deal.’
‘Just stay away from Annabelle as much as you can,’ he says. ‘Dial down the volume on her.’ He mimics turning a radio dial.
‘You’re right,’ she says, dropping the cigarette onto the ground, stepping on the butt with her boot and crushing it.
‘The universe is unfolding exactly as is intended,’ Ajesh adds.
‘When did you get so wise?’
‘To be fair, that’s not me. That’s a poet called Max Ehrmann.’
They laugh. Ajesh walks her to the tube with his arm around her shoulders. She returns home feeling lighter than she has done in months. When Jake gets back from work, she goes to greet him at the door and kisses him, holding him tight, pressing the bulk of him against her. He looks pleased and things are a little easier between them after that.
When they are seven and a half months pregnant, Annabelle surprises them by suggesting a baby shower.
‘I thought it would be nice,’ she says over the phone. ‘You know, they’reverypopular.’
‘Oh,’ Kate replies. ‘Yes. Um. OK.’
In truth, she can think of nothing more garish and over-sentimentalised than a baby shower.
