‘Love you,’ Jake said.
‘Love you too.’ She closed her eyes and tried to sleep but she couldn’t. ‘Jake?’
‘Mmm.’
‘Do think everything’s OK? With Marisa, I mean.’
He turned to look at her, alert now.
‘What do you mean?’
‘She’s just … it sounds silly … but …’
‘You’re worrying me.’
‘Oh, no, sorry, it’s nothing to worry about, it’s just … she’s made herself very at home, hasn’t she?’
‘Well isn’t that what we want?’
‘I guess. It’s just … she moves my stuff around.’
He laughed quietly.
‘Your trainers?’
‘Yes!’
‘They were quite annoying right there by the front door, you know.’
‘Stop taking her side!’
He hugged her, adopting a jokey voice to say, ‘There are no sides! It’s not a competition. We’re all in this together, aren’t we?’
She spoke into his chest, her voice muffled.
‘And you went on and on about her fucking macaroni cheese.’
Jake laughed.
‘Isthatwhat this is about? Come on, Kate.’
‘Do you still like my cooking the best?’
She knew she was being childish, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted his reassurance.
‘Of course I do. I love you the best. I can’t wait to have a baby with you. I wish we didn’t have to involve anyone else, but given that we do, we’ve found someone who seems great and if her only annoying habit is moving your trainers, I think we can put up with it for a few more months, can’t we?’
She snuggled closer to him.
‘You’re right. I know you’re right. Sorry.’
‘Stop apologising.’ He drew back and kissed the tip of her nose. ‘I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. But we’re due to do the embryo transfer in a few weeks, aren’t we? And I think we’ll all feel a lot less tense then.’
Kate was glad she’d said something. In voicing her fears, she had punctured them. She saw them now for what they were: paranoia triggered by understandable insecurity about her place in thisunconventional family unit. The therapist recommended by the surrogacy agency had warned her she might feel like this. It was important to separate what her anxious brain was telling her from what was actually happening. Just because she thought it, did not make it fact.
‘You’re still the mother,’ Jake said. ‘Don’t forget that.’
Jake was always good at calming her down and making her see things more logically. She closed her eyes again. It was quiet outside, and soon Jake was snoring lightly. Kate was edging towards the brink of sleep when she heard a floorboard creak, followed by a padding noise, like the sound of footsteps retreating.
