‘I don’t.’ Mia sighs. ‘But the basic facts remain.’ She still sounds bitter. Angry.
‘Why are you so mad at me?’ Lissa asks, in more of a snap than she intended.
‘Because you never change!’ Mia finally explodes completely, throwing her hands into the air. ‘Because I sit here watching it all happen!’ She turns from Lissa, like she can’t bear to look at her.
‘No one asked you to sit watching,’ Lissa says stiffly.
‘Oh for fuck’s sake, Lissa.’ Mia turns back. ‘Why do you think I’m still here?’ Lissa’s insides churn. ‘Why do you think I’ve stayed nearby all these years? Why do you think I’m worried about what will happen with Lottie? Because I can’tleaveyou. I can’t leave until you get your fucking act together, and you justwon’t.’ Her voice is on the verge of a sob now.
Lissa stares at her cousin – the person who has been there for her her whole life – and something like nausea swells. She thinks of how she herself has felt trapped in Bath because of her mum. Is that how Mia feels? Trapped – because of her?
‘I’m not stopping you leaving,’ she says quietly. ‘If you want to go, be with Lottie, then you should.’
She doesn’t mean it argumentatively, but she knows her tone is off. And when Mia scoffs, she knows it was the wrong thing to say.
‘Fine,’ Mia says, voice tight. ‘Maybe I will.’ With that, she storms out, leaving Lissa staring after her.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Lissa stares at the clock on her work computer. Still five minutes until she’s technically allowed to leave for the day. She picks up her phone, gets up the WhatsApp chat with Mia. Stares at it, then closes it again as she keeps doing. They haven’t spoken, haven’t even messaged, since last Sunday and she doesn’t know what to say. They never usually fight, so there’s not exactly a template for this. She hates knowing Mia is angry at her. Hates knowing that she might be the reason her cousin has been stressed and unhappy recently. But she doesn’t know how to fix it.
She can feel Liam watching her from his glass office, pretends to be clicking something with her mouse. He’s been like this since she rang in sick. She doesn’t care as much as she probably should. It feels bizarre that she’s supposed to carry on as normal, as if she hasn’t figured out that she and Ash have lived a version of this life before. As if she isn’t questioning why it keeps happening, and whether she is doing the right thing staying away from him.
A message on the internal office chat pops up on her computer screen.
Ready to go?
Darcy. Thank God.
‘So?’ Darcy prompts as they reach the lift.
It takes Lissa a second to realise what she is asking about. ‘The interview?’ she asks.
‘Of course. What else? How did it go?’
She had her second – and final – interview for the marketing job at the charity yesterday. ‘It was … fine,’ she finishes lamely.
‘Fine?’ Darcy’s eyebrows pull together. ‘What do you mean, fine?’
‘I mean … it was okay.’ But it wasn’t brilliant. She was unable to drum up the enthusiasm she’d felt at the first interview, and she knows the interviewer noticed. She tried to stay focused, answer the questions in the right way, but her mind kept going back to Ash, to the night in Cornwall. She still wants a different job, still wants to make a change in her life. But how is she supposed to carry on as if she doesn’t know Ash is, for want of a better word, her soulmate?
‘This is about Ash, isn’t it?’ Darcy says, astute as ever.
Lissa sighs. ‘No comment.’ She hasn’t told Darcy about what actually happened – how can she? Telling someone you think you have a past life, fine, most people can make a joke out of that, but telling them that you aresurethat you and someone else are destined to meet, and to die together, in every lifetime? Well, that’s something else entirely.
Darcy checks her handbag as Lissa pushes the button for the lift. ‘Shit,’ she mutters. ‘I forgot my lipstick. Give me two secs. I’ll meet you on the ground floor. And then I want to know exactly what happened – both with Ash and at the interview.’
‘Do you really need—’ But already Darcy has turned, heading back to her desk.
Lissa steps into the lift, and an arm comes out just as the door is closing. Mark gives her a polite nod as he joins her.
‘Hey,’ he says, pressing the button for the ground floor, which Lissa has already pressed.
‘Hey.’ Her voice sounds flat, she knows it does. ‘How are you?’
He nods, overenthusiastically. ‘Great.’
She nods too. ‘Good.’ Is the lift always this slow? she wonders. ‘Ah … how’s Jen?’
