Then a gunshot. Wrong place, wrong time. An alley that she didn’t think to look down, because all she could think of was him. Him shoving her out the way, again. Trying to save her, again. His shirt stained red as the bullet goes through him.
Screaming. Her screams. Useless, because she can feel it, sharp pain, then the sound of the gun once more.
It’s not just her who dies over and over. And it’s not lots of different men – it’s the same one. The same soul. She’s drawn to him again and again. An endless loop. Every time, he chooses her. Every time, she leads him into danger.
Water pulling her under.
Blood coating her hands.
The smell of burning rubber.
He dies every time because of her.
It’s real. She’s not crazy. This has all happened before. The Devil, lord of patterns. Circles that go round and round. An endless, tragic loop. This is the pattern she needs to break. It’s not about her sister – it’s abouthim.
Of course it is. Because when did the flashbacks start? When she met him. On the anniversary of her sister’s death, she met him.
She can hear it still, the screaming inside her head.
Only it’s not her screaming.
‘Lissa!’ An agonised, cracked sound.
His hands on her shoulders, pulling her from the water, towards land. Carrying her, because she can’t stand, because her legs have given way, like they can’t support her through this realisation.
She is choking as she tries to blink Ash into focus, tries to bring herself back to the here and now. Choking, sobbing, gasping. Her lungs are burning, her head is spinning. She is soaking wet, tendrils of hair clinging to her face.
He sets her down when they are out of the water. He’s topless, but wearing jeans – like he didn’t stop to strip before wading in after her. She wonders how he found her. Did she scream out loud? Did she call for him?
‘What thefuckdo you think you’re doing?’ His words are laced with anger – exactly like she shouted at him yesterday. Because he is allowed to be reckless, but she is not.
She is shivering, but she’s not sure it’s from cold. She hitches in a breath, then another, as she stares up at him bathed in moonlight.
‘Lissa?’ His voice is more uncertain now.
She could have drowned. She knows that. It was stupid to go in like that. Reckless. She did it like she was possessed – and he came in after her. Because that’s what happens. They are drawn together as though it is fate, over and over. He dies because he tries to save her.
And it’s so obvious. She doesn’t know how she didn’t see it before. It was like a mental block, an unwillingness to believe what isn’t logical.
She feels her eyes sparking with tears, even as he’s reaching for her, trying to make sure she’s okay.
She only just manages to get the words out through numb lips. They are words she doesn’t want to say – words she doesn’t want to believe. But they are words she knows with utter certainty are true.
‘It’s you.’
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ash is frowning at her. ‘What do you mean? Of course it’s me. Who else is going to drag you out of the bloody ocean? And by the way, I thought you couldn’t swim.’ He is gripping her shoulders, hard. ‘Why the hell did you go out there, Lissa? In the middle of the fucking night.’ His voice changes, cracking at the end, like he can’t quite hold it together.
She can only stare at him, moonlight bouncing off his bare muscled chest, dark hair merging with the shadows. A chill that has nothing to do with the air skates over her skin, and a sob rakes through her.
It’s him. It shouldn’t be possible. None of this should be happening. But it is. She’s met Ash before. A different name, a different body – but the same soul. Not just her repeating the pattern over multiple lifetimes. Somehow she is dragging him down with her too.
‘I’m sorry,’ he’s saying now. ‘Shit, I’m sorry, Lissa.’ His grip changes, becomes more soothing as he rubs down her arms. He looks around, searching for something, then reaches down and grabs her clothes, which are covered in sand. When she doesn’t take them, still numb with shock, he wraps his arms around her and she breathes in his scent. It’s why it’s always seemed so easy between them – because they already know each other. Because they’ve already fallen in love.
The knowledge burns the inside of her head, leaving black scorch marks. She pushes away from him, tears stinging her eyes. His gaze searches her face, something flickering across his expression. ‘Lissa …’
She shakes her head. She can’t look at him. Can’t bear to. ‘We … This has happened before, Ash.’ Her voice is a rasp, like the salt water has burnt her throat.
