She’s taken aback at the direct question, though there is nothing more than genuine curiosity in his voice. But no one usually asks directly, at least not people who’ve only just met her. And not even people who have known her for years – look at Liam, who is still eyeing her almost suspiciously whenever she’s in the office, as if he’s expecting her to collapse again, but who hasn’t actually addressed the subject head-on since it happened.
‘No,’ she says after a beat. ‘Probably not.’ But she bites her lip, because can she be sure of that, after the motorbike incident? ‘I mean, maybe. Usually they only happen when I’m actually hurt – like if I cut myself badly or something.’ She can’t quite look at him as she speaks.
‘You fell over the day we met,’ he points out. ‘You fell off the scooter.’
She hesitates. ‘Yes.’ She can’t quite explain that she was in a different headspace then. That when that part of her takes over – albeit very occasionally – her brain doesn’t work in quite the same way. And that it’s noteverytime she hurts herself, only sometimes, which makes it all the harder to predict, to manage.
‘I thought you were a bit of a daredevil, given the way we met for the first time.’ She looks up at him then. Somehow he still manages to be attractive, even wearing that stupid hat.
‘Trust me, I’m anything but a daredevil. Sorry to disappoint.’
‘I’m not disappointed,’ he says mildly. ‘Just curious.’
Inside her coat pocket, she twiddles her house key between her fingers. ‘It’s just, that day …’
But she breaks off, catching sight of two teenage girls up ahead. She doesn’t recognise one of them – the blonde – but shedoesrecognise the brunette, who’s wearing a hoodie underneath her jacket along with baggy jeans.
Lissa comes to a stop, wondering what to do. She barely hears Ash asking if she’s okay. Should she go over and say hi? Would Elsie want her to – maybe it’d be embarrassing? And God, is she really this bloody out of touch?
The decision ends up being taken from her, because Elsie looks over, sees her. Her eyes go a little wide, and she nudges her friend, clearly muttering something to her. The friend glances over too, gives Lissa what is undoubtedly an appraising look up and down.
‘Who’s that?’ Ash asks at her side.
‘It’s … She’s my sister.’ She fixes a smile to her face as she walks past a stall selling cheese, closing the gap between them. ‘Hey, Elsie.’
Elsie gives her a jerking nod. ‘Hey.’
Lissa smiles at Elsie’s friend, and Elsie jerks her head again. ‘This is Jess.’
‘Hi, Jess.’ Jess gives her another scrutinising look. Lissa can feel Ash coming up behind her, catches the way Elsie looks over at him. The way she looks at themboth, taking in the ridiculous hats.
Lissa takes hers off, runs a hand through her hair. Then feels utterly ridiculous. Why does it matter if Elsie sees her in a stupid hat?
‘This is Ash,’ she says. ‘We’re just, ah, shopping.’
‘Us too,’ says Elsie.
‘That’s nice.’ Lissa smiles again. ‘Is Dad here? Or your mum?’ She’s wondering if she’ll have to see them – she really doesn’t want to go through that kind of small talk in front of Ash. And would she have to suggest a coffee all together or something? She cringes at the thought of it.
‘Nope,’ Elsie says. ‘Just us.’ She must have won the argument about coming into Bath alone, then.
‘Are you having fun?’
‘Sure.’
‘What have you bought?’
She shrugs. ‘Not much. Don’t really have much money.’
‘Right. Have you, ah, seen anything you like?’
Elsie gives her a narrow-eyed look, like there is something inherently suspicious about the question, rather than just Lissa fishing for present ideas.
‘I personally like the hats,’ Ash pipes up, pointing at the one on his head. Elsie looks like she might be about to laugh, then presses her lips together, thinking better of it. Jess glances curiously between Lissa and Ash, then Lissa and Elsie. Lissa wonders what – if anything – Elsie has said about her.
‘Well,’ Elsie says. ‘We’re going to get some food.’
‘Right,’ Lissa says brightly. ‘Right, of course. Have fun!’
