I hiccup a breath. “I… I don’t think there –”
“Lock the fucking door, Salem.”
“Okay.”
I reach my arms back and turn the little thingy on the knob to lock it.
The instant my job is done, I do the craziest thing ever. I mean, I’m famous for crazy so why stop now.
I rush toward the desk, toward him.
Which might not be such a great idea given how aloof and mature he looks. How old and teacher-like.
But it’s like ripping off a band-aid.
I need to apologize and I won’t wait for even a single second to do it. I’ve already waited four whole days without making a well-deserved apology.
I stick my arms out. “Before you say anything, I’ve got something to say.”
I’m aware that this is what I said to him at the bar, where I demanded he apologize, and the way he stares at me, without moving a muscle except to click the pen, I get the feeling that he’s aware of it too.
That he was probably waiting for me to gush words like a river and create drama like the queen I am.
“Okay so.” I wipe my hand on my thigh and lean against the edge of the desk to keep my shaking at bay. “I know I’ve been avoiding you and it’s not cool. That’s not fair to you, especially when I made you apologize to me in the bar. And made such a big deal out of it. So I’m sorry about that. For not apologizing sooner.”
He studies me from his perch and even though I’m looking down at him slightly, I feel much, much smaller than him right now. “You’re apologizing for not apologizing.”
Well, when he puts it that way it sounds ridiculous.
“Yes. Sort of. But the point is that I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldneverhave done that. I…” I try to gather my thoughts. “I’m sorry I tried to kiss you. It was completely uncalled for and a huge mistake. You’re my sister’s boy –”
Why can’t I remember the correct terminology of anything?
“Ex-boyfriend and it’s super tacky. And weird. And you don’t need creepy advances by a stupid girl when you’re going through so much. And the truth is that I really wanted to be your friend, you know? I really wanted to be someone you could talk to but I took advantage of that and I’m sorry.”
I take a deep breath when I finish.
Although no amount of deep breaths will calm my heart. It’s thundering inside my chest, lurching and writhing.
I’m not sure because of what though.
Is it because our friendship was so short-lived and the pain of it is intense? Or is it because he keeps staring at me in that intimate way of his?
Like he knows me. He knows every bone and every muscle and every cell in my body.
Every secret of my witchy heart.
Just when I think I can’t take it anymore, his intense, dominating scrutiny, he leans forward and puts down the pen, shutting up the clicking, draping the room in complete silence.
Sitting back, both his elbows on the armrests now and his fingers tracing the curve of his lower lip, he asks, “Did anyone give you any trouble?”
“What?”
“After I talked to those girls in the hallway.”
I press myself against his desk even more, trying to stop the trembling of my legs. Trying to stop this running thought that he looks so… mature and big.
Older.
