Their breaths.
Myownbreath.
“Who?”
That growl belongs to Ledger and I wince.
Even though he hasn’t raised his voice. It’s the tone. It’s theknowledgein that tone.
He already knows who.
I press my hand on my stomach. “I —”
“Is it him? Is it that motherfucker?” he asks again in a low voice, and again I flinch.
I half expect Conrad to growl ‘calm down’ at Ledger but he doesn’t. He’s eerily quiet and I want to look at him and ask him to say something.
But Ledger has all my attention. “It is, isn’t it? It’s him.”
“Ledger —”
“Oh Jesus Christ.” He springs up from his seat and he does it so violently that his thighs smack against the table, shaking everything, the dishes, the spoons, the ketchup bottle, the water.
He doesn’t notice it though. He’s looking at me as he walks back.
As if in shock.
And then as if he can’t look at me anymore, he spins around and plows his fingers through his hair.
“Ledge, listen to me, please.”
He turns around at my voice. “Did he force himself on you? Did thatassholedo this to you without your permission?”
My eyes go wide. “What? No.” I shake my head. “No. Absolutely not. He didn’t. I was —”
“Willing,” he speaks over me with gritted teeth and flashing eyes. “You werewilling. Is that what you’re trying to say? To get fucked by him.”
“Ledger,” I breathe out.
“What?” he spits out. “You can do it. But I can’t say it?”
I blink back tears. “It’s not like that. Please, Ledger.”
He shakes his head again. “I know he’s back in town. And I know he isn’t playing anymore. I heard that. I know he quit rightafter that fucking championship game that ruined everything. I don’t know why though. But if history is any indication, I bet it has something to do with his dad, doesn’t it?” He laughs, all ugly and angry. “Good. Fucking fantastic. He never deserved to play anyway. He never deserved to go anywhere near a field. He doesn’t love the game like we do. He doesn’t respect it. So yeah, it’s fucking fantastic that he isn’t playing anymore. So what, did he use that on you? To get you to sleep with him, huh? Was this a pity fuck?”
Every word out of Ledger’s mouth is like shrapnel.
It cuts and bites. And makes me want to tell him to stop.
To just stop.
I can’t bear it. I can’t bear to hear the hate in Ledger’s voice.
“No, he did it to… to save me.” I focus on Con then, who’s sitting there with a blank, inscrutable expression. “The deal that he made so I didn’t go to juvie. His dad wanted him to quit soccer in exchange for my freedom and he did it. He works for his dad now.”
He got himself caged because he wanted to gain my freedom.
Then I turn to my other brother, the one who’s breathing heavily, staring at me like he can’t believe I made the same mistake again. “I know you’re angry at him, Ledge, and I don’t expect you to forget all the things that he’s done to you in the past. But —”
