But anyway, I’ve been reading and I’ve been making lists.
Because I read somewhere that you should make a list when you’re anxious. And I’m anxious. Books say that anxiety is a common symptom of being pregnant.
So I can’t eat meat. I’m throwing up day and night. I’m anxious and emotional. And I cry a lot too.
But it’s okay.
It’s fine.
I’ve got a plan.
It’s not a perfect plan, but this is all I have.
My girls seem to like the plan, but they hate parts of it.
“I really think you should reconsider,” says Wyn in a hushed voice because we’re at the library. “Ireallythink there has to be another way.”
“It’s fine,” I tell her, trying to calm her down. “It’s going to be okay.”
Wyn doesn’t listen. “Remember what Salem was saying the other day? She could talk to Principal Carlisle for you. I bet if Salem talked to her, we could find a way. I mean, I don’t think Salem’s her favorite person right now but still.”
Wyn’s talking on Salem’s behalf because Salem’s not here right now.
She’s taking a few days off.
Because remember the problems that she had? Or rathertheproblem: Arrow Carlisle.
Yeah, that problem blew up last weekend and resulted in what I think — and both Poe and Wyn agree — has to be the biggest ever scandal at St. Mary’s School for Troubled Teenagers.
Well, until they all find out about me.
That I’m pregnant.
But anyway, that’s the bad news, the scandal. The good news is that I think — and again both Poe and Wyn agree — that the soccer god, Arrow, might be crushing on her as well.
I mean, we’re not sure because he hasn’t said anything — because he’s a guy and he’s stupid — but I’m really crossing my fingers that he soon will.
“Okay, fuck talking to people,” says Poe loudly before she remembers where we are. Then with a lower voice, “We could try to keep it a secret for a while. I mean, you’re not gonna start showing until your seventh month or something anyway. By then it will be too late.”
I can’t believe she said that.
Especially when we have all these pregnancy books open at the table in front of us.
I look around to make sure no one is listening in before telling my dear friend, “It’s the fifth month. You start showing in your fifth.” I point to the book. “It says so right here: ‘you’re glowing and you’re showing.’ Which if my math is right is going to come around in March.”
Then before they can all start arguing again, I shut it down. I tell them that this is the only way.
But I have to do the hardest thing first.
I have to tell my brothers. Tomorrow when I go visit them.
That I’m pregnant with the baby of the guy they all hate.
Because I only have one week before I have to tellhim,and this time I’m not going to run.
I’m going to face it all head-on.
I thinkI’m going to throw up.
