I do. I still do.
It hadn’t occurred to me until that night, until I said the words. But I do want to fall for someone else. Someone other than him. Someone like Toby.
Someone who’s at least capable of loving. Unlike him.
“So then what happened? Why have you been so sad?”
Sad.
Yeah, I’ve been that.
I don’t know how to stop being sad at the thought of falling for someone else.
“It’s just…” I bite my lip. “He gave up soccer and he’s working for his dad. That’s how he got me off the hook.”
“What?”
“Yeah.”
“But Callie, that’s like…”
“I know.”
“Huge.”
I sniffle. “Yeah.”
“Are you sure he’s not in l–”
I cut her off. “Yeah, I’m sure. This is what he does. He did all those sweet things before and I fell for them and…” I shake my head. “I can’t. Not again, Wyn. I can’t forget what he did. I can’t forget how he broke my heart. No matter how hard I try and… It’s just my stupid broken heart that still...”
Beats for him.
I can see Wyn is blinking too and I know she’s doing it to keep her tears at bay. “Hearts are stupid, aren’t they? Foolish little dreamers.”
I chuckle sadly. “Yeah.”
“So your heart wants him then.”
I bite my lip again. Harder this time. Much harder, so I can stop the thundering in my chest. This wave of ache and need.
“I’m not listening to it,” I tell her. “I listened to my heart once and it didn’t turn out so well.”
Wyn nods. Then, “And what about the other stuff?”
“What?”
“You know, you’ve been sick a lot. And you haven’t been to your studio.”
Oh. That.
When I said there’s something wrong with me, I meant that there’s something wrong with me on multiple levels.
Levels like my stomach is acting weird this week. I’m either ragingly hungry or I’m throwing up or feeling nauseated. Especially around my favorite things, coffee and bacon. The bacon thing really saddens me because I don’t get to eat it that often anyway because of my stupid diet. So I savor it whenever I eat it, but I can’t even do that anymore.
I do fantastic with arugula or kale. Even lettuce.
Things that I’ve had to eat because of my diet but have never really liked in the past.
