Whom I only get to talk to once a week. Because of my stupidity.
Because of what I did, the crime that I committed and because of what I put them through.
You know, when I stole his car and drove it into the lake, I wasn’t thinking. Or rather, I was only thinking about the pain in my chest and the blow of his betrayal. Of all the lies he had told me.
I never once thought about what it would do to my brothers.
How it would upset them. How it would make trouble for them, having a thief for a sister.
Besides, I wasn’t the only one who got betrayed that night, was I? They got betrayed too. By me.
I was lying to them. I was lying to Ledger, the brother that I was closest to, and hanging out with his enemy. And then I went ahead and became a criminal as well.
I still can’t erase all the guilt of my sins. I still can’t get rid of this shame.
Even though they forgave me. They did.
God, did they.
Stellan was probably the first one, my rational brother. He got Shepard on board and Shep got Ledger. The brother whom I’d betrayed the most.
I still don’t know how he found it in his heart to forgive me, but he did.
I guess he was angrier at his enemy than at me. Whom he actually beat up after everything happened. I only know because Reed came to school that Monday with bruises all over his face.
Anyway, that whole summer, along with Tempest, my brothers helped with my grief too. They all had their plans — Ledger and Shep were set to go on a road trip with their friends; Stellan had a summer job in the city — but they all canceled everything and hung out with me.
I guess that’s why my guilt is so huge even now.
Because they’re all so wonderful and amazing. They still treat me as their baby sister before I betrayed them.
Except Conrad.
He was mad at the time. Madder than all three of my other brothers. More disappointed too. He could barely stand to be in the same room as me.
He still feels the same.
And so when he calls, he’s the one who talks the least. Which wouldn’t be too atypical because my oldest brother doesn’t talk a lot to begin with, but his silence these days is laced with disappointment and anger at me.
I know that. I can feel it.
But still, I need to know.
I need to know what deal Reed was talking about back at Buttery Blossoms this morning and in order to do that, I’m breaking the norm.
Instead of waiting for Con’s call,I’mcalling him. I need to get him alone to talk about this.
Unlike many girls at St. Mary’s, I do have the privilege of making my own phone calls. It’s one of those difficult privileges to have that I’ve earned after a lot of good girl behavior and excellent grades.
And tonight, I’m going to use it.
I’m in the phone room, inside a mustard-colored booth, with the black headset of a rotary phone pressed to my ear. I’ve already dialed the number and my brother picks up after the first ring.
From the tone of his voice, it sounds like Conrad must’ve jumped to answer the phone. “Callie?”
“Yes. Hi, I —”
He doesn’t let me speak. “Are you okay?”
