Because he doesn’t need that.
He doesn’t need me to look at him with puppy dog eyes and his next words prove it. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
I try not to flinch, but I can only do so much in this moment. “I –”
“How did you get here?” he asks but then doesn’t give me the time to answer him because he pokes his head out to glance up and down the sidewalk as if to check on things.
As if just by looking he can deduce how I came to be here.
I move back slightly while he does his inspection. While his musky scent fills my nose and his chest almost grazes mine.
Because again, he doesn’t need that.
When he comes to stand straight, he warns, “Salem.”
Breaking out of my stupor, I say, “I… You’re leaving.”
At my words, his jaw tics and he asks again, “How the fuck did you get here?”
“I took a cab.”
He stares at me, immobile and frozen, his eyes dark. “Come in.”
“I don’t –”
“Just…” He sighs. “It’s cold. You’re shaking. Come inside.”
As soon as he says it in his rough, gravelly tone, I feel the first shiver roll down my spine. The first tremble of my legs, my belly.
And I realize that he’s right.
Iamshaking. I have probably been shaking this whole time without my knowledge.
But it’s not the cold.
It’s him.
It’s from the sight of him, all sweaty and so familiar in his dark gray sweatpants, hanging low on his pelvis, and his barefeet. His dirty blond hair that appears dark brown right now, matted across his forehead.
I bet he was trying to kill himself again, by working out too hard.
When I still don’t move, he steps away from the door and holds it open, his biceps flexing. “Would you just get inside?”
“Right. Sorry,” I mumble, trying again to act unemotional.
Just get your shit together, Salem.
Wiping my hands down my cargo pants, I duck my head and step inside, careful,extremelycareful, not to touch him.
When he shuts the door, I turn around to face him and repeat, “You’re leaving.”
“I am.”
“Why?”
His eyes go back and forth between mine for a second before he replies, “Because that was always the plan. Because I was always supposed to leave.”
Plan.
