I snap, making her jump a little at the sudden noise. I level my pointer finger at her. “I fucking knew you were a Virgo.”
At that, she laughs. “Why? Cause all Virgos are total bitches?”
“Yup!” I agree, laughing too. When we settle, and she seems more relaxed, I toss my hair over my shoulder and lean back in the chair. “Of course you’re an earth sign. You hate having emotions at all, especially the unpleasant ones, because it’s harder to rationalize them and create distance. Makes you lash out sometimes. Don’t sweat it; myabuelais a Capricorn. I’m used to it.”
She sits back and stares at me for a few seconds, her lips falling into a little O. “Whoa,” she says softly. “Do you and Eleanor read the same books or something?”
“Depends. Does she read the ones about dudes with giant dongs and bat wings?”
Nicole smiles. “I think so.”
“Cool.” Not exactly sure what fictional pickles have to do with the science of astrology, but I’ll take any opportunity to connect with one of my new housemates. “But seriously, don’t sweat it. Honestly, all I heard was that you think I’m cute. Because you are the most gorgeous, sexually intimidating person I’ve ever met, babe. I’m super duper in love with Wesley, but 10/10 would let you ruin me and call you Mommy any day of the week.”
Her cheeks flush a deep red color that makes her look even prettier, then her eyes widen. “You love him?” she asks, totally sidetracked from her own embarrassment at my compliment.
I… oops. Fuck.
Well, yeah, I love him. His confession earlier doesn’t really change how I feel. I think that’s what’s so confusing about it all, if I’m honest. Iwantto choose him. I want to let myself love him. Desperately. I’m just scared.
But I want to. And that’s what matters, right?
I grin, feeling impossibly freed by the truth. I love Wesley. I fucking love him!
Glancing back at Nicole, I see her expectant expression, and table my enthusiasm.
Oops. I probably should have told him first. “Um… I mean, yeah. Maybe don’t say anything to him?”
She nods, instantly serious, and I know that she’d take any secret I told her to the grave. Another thing I love about earth signs. They’re so stinkin’ loyal.
“Well, I’m glad. Wesley deserves happiness, and you guys are literally perfect for each other. And I’m sorry again about being so damn territorial. My emotions have been all over the place.”
“Why, are you pregnant?” I joke.
When her eyes widen instead of laughing along, the blood drains from my face. “Oh.. Uh…” I panic. Fuck! Not again!
When the hell will I learn? It’s supposed to be: think,thenspeak.
She licks her lips and looks around, like she’s expecting someone else to pop out from behind a doorway. “Maybe don’t say anything?” she repeats my words back to me in a hushed tone.
“I would never,” I assure her, feeling like we ought to seal the bond with a secret handshake or pinky promise or blood oath. Wait, that’s probably not good for pregnant people… “It explains even more why you reacted that way, though.”
She nods. “Yeah. This… bean,” she euphemizes, eyes dropping to the curve of her stomach under her flowy pajama shirt, “makes it hard to do anything other than worry about the future.”
“Okay, first of all,bean? That’s adorable. And second… You’re worried?” I ask.
“Yeah. I’ll… never fit into Dimitri’s life like you fit into Wesley’s.”
I study her. “Yeah, but you don’t want to fit into this life. And that’s what matters.”
“I’m not sure it is.” Her hand rests idly over her belly button. “I don’t want to, and he’s never asked or expected me to. He says he’ll leave it all behind. But… it’s all he knows. What if he resents having to leave?” she asks quietly, like she’s afraid of saying the thought too loud and making it true.
“Does he have to? You’remakinghim?”
“What? No! Of course not. He says he wants to. And with all this stuff with the General, it seems imminent—like it’s really going to happen. But what if, once this is all over, he’s not content with a quieter life?”
“Hmm… he says he wants to, but… He lies a lot? Says stuff he doesn’t mean to make other people happy?” I guess, knowing it’s not true. I haven’t known the guy long, but I watched him spit food into the trash right in front of Eleanor, impervious to her glare. He doesn’t give a fuck about lying to protect other people’s feelings.
Her eyes narrow. “Okay, you’ve definitely been talking to Eleanor.”
