Six wasn’t a toddler, but it was too young for her to have been playing unsupervised next to a pond. It also wasn’t James’s responsibility. “How old were you?”
“Nearly a teenager.”
“James, you were a kid yourself.”
He snorted. “Trust me, I hadn’t been a kid for some time by then.” He rubbed his jaw. “But I had seen her playing on the bank of the pond. I’d been keeping an eye on her. Then Jed caught a fish and we all got distracted.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“It wasn’t Jed’s either.”
I suspected they’d both spent their lives blaming themselves for her death.
We were silent for a moment, James probably reliving that horrible moment in his past, and me trying to process it.
“You said you exploited Jed’s loyalty,” I said finally. “How?”
He shook his head slowly. “By askin’ him to work for me. By givin’ him a job when he was just as desperate for a way out as I had been when I went to J.R.”
“Wait,” I said, cocking my head. “You can’t be comparing yourself to J.R. Simmons.” I said in disbelief. “You are nothing like that man.”
“You have some delusion that I was playin’ Candyland back then,” he said derisively. “I was there to make a name for myself. I may have been back in Fenton County, but it didn’t mean I was the automatic king of the land.” His eyes went hard. “Where you find poverty, you find crime, because desperate people are willing to do desperate, stupid things to survive.”
He took a breath. “A man named Daniel Crocker ruled the roost back then. He wasn’t happy when I showed up in town, and he had no love for J.R. He didn’t have proof I’d been workin’ for him, but he’d heard rumors.”
I took a bite of my untouched food, worried I’d distract him and he’d stop talking, but thankfully he continued.
“We had a few skirmishes in the beginning.” He grimaced. “He had an established outfit, and I had Jed and a few other guys. There was no way I could take him on, at least not by force. So, we reached a truce. He ran his chop shop and dealt drugs. I stuck to my pool hall, where I ran a bookie operation—which was more profitable than I’d imagined.”
He gave me a devious grin. “Turned out I was good with numbers.” His tone sobered. “I took my earnings, then opened the strip club. We coexisted.”
“And you invested in legit businesses too,” I said softly.
“Yeah.” He scooped out some of his baked potato. “But after a bit, J.R. wasn’t happy that I hadn’t taken over the whole county. He told me the seed money was an investment, and so far, he wasn’t seeing a return. And because he wasn’t, he started giving me odd jobs every now and again to pay for the interest.” His eyes flicked to mine. “Jobs to make sure I was still loyal.”
“Killing people,” I said.
He held my gaze. “Believe it or not, I still had some scruples. I made sure they were truly deserving of it.”
A week or two ago, I would have been horrified. But after my bathroom TED Talk, I understood.
I wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or bad. Maybe it was just further proof we belonged together.
He gave me a long stare, his face expressionless. “I wanted you to know who you were risking your life with and for. I understand if you need to end this.”
I gave him an incredulous look. “End this discussion so you don’t have to tell me more, or end whatever this is between us? Because…sorry, if this was your way of trying to make me stop working with you—” I shifted on the sofa so I could look him in the eye. “You’re stuck with me, Malcolm.”
He stared at me for a long moment, like he wasn’t sure he believed me.
I leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, then pulled back. “I understand you better than you think.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means, I’m not a cop anymore,” I said softly. “And you’re right … I need to stop thinking like one.” I swallowed. “Sometimes an arrest shouldn’t be the goal.” I paused, letting the words land. “Sometimes a more permanent method might be.”
Understanding flashed in his eyes. “You plan to murder Gerald Knox.”
I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. “Will that hurt your position with your HSI contact?”
