The more I struggle, the more I feel as though I am drowning. Whatever confidence I had before fizzles out with the water. Panic strangles the breath from my lungs. By the end of the day, I’m a blubbering mess. I want it to stop. When will this blasted bucket finally drain?
“Sai!” Jyn calls to me, her voice barely reaching my ears. “You have to focus!”
“I… I’m trying—”
Drip, drip.
The emperor chuckles and smacks his lips as he tears into the endless assortment of food presented for his enjoyment. “Effective, is it not? A little technique my war generals came up with tointerrogate their prisoners. Bones mend and skin heals, but it is different to break one’s mind.”
I hear some shuffling. The emperor is suddenly at my side, bending to hiss in my ear, “I wonder how you will fare overnight. Have a good sleep, boy, if you can manage it.”
“Go fuck yourself,” I spit.
He leaves as quickly as he came. I’m suddenly alone again, still hopelessly trapped and at the mercy of the water. The pain comes in cycles. My body goes numb, only for parts of it to scream seconds later. My muscles cramp, my joints ache, my throat chafes against its restraint. I try to concentrate on my breathing, in and out and in again, but the nature of the drops makes it impossible to focus for long.
So simple, and yet so torturous.
“Sai,” Jyn says, starting to cry. “Sai, I’m so sorry. I’ll get us out of this.”
Drip.
My teeth chatter with every new drop that assaults my forehead. A sob escapes my throat, too, choked and desperate. It’s so cold and sharp that it feels like someone is stabbing me with the tip of a dagger. “I… I can’t breathe—”
“Sai—”
“I want to gohome.”
The confession rips itself from my hollow chest. It’s a plea from my battered soul. I long to return to the teahouse, where safety and comfort come easily. I wish to see my poor mother again; I’m worried about her health and miss her kind hugs. I have been away for so long…. Is she all right? Does she wonder what became of me?
I was a fool to underestimate the emperor. No matter how hard I try to clear my mind, every new drop yanks me back to reality. My fear is insidious; a long, dark hand piercing through the frontof my skull and latching onto my brain. It claws and it seeps into the deepest crevices of my mind, reminding me that there’s no escape. There’s no escape until Jyn gives the emperor what he wants.
Harvested like a common crop: her scales peeled away for medicine, her teeth pulled out to be forged into weapons, her eyes gouged from their sockets for sheer sport.
I reach out to her over our connection, seeking out her warmth like a moth to her dwindling flame. She’s in no better state than I, her sorrow cold and heavy. Watching me suffer is just as torturous for her as being strapped to this table.
“Tell the emperor I’ll give him what he wants,” Jyn says to the guards nearest her, her voice breaking.
“No!” I yell.
“Sai—”
“I will not lose you,” I snap. “Never again.”
“He will destroy your mind.”
“My Fated One, the love of my many lifetimes, for you, I will endure.” Even as I speak, my body shakes uncontrollably. The ugly, heavy coil of anxiety boils in the pit of my stomach, causing me to retch. “You must find a way to escape. Give that monster nothing.”
“Sai…”
I can no longer hear her words. The air, the table, my body… It’s as though I stop existing altogether. I can only feel each drop, worse than an arrow through the skull. The more I try to ignore the water, the more sensitive I become to it.
On and on it goes, until the sun sets and the moon rises to take its place.
At some point, the guards come to change the bucket of water, replacing it with a full one that is somehow colder than the first. I find no reprieve in the few minutes it takes them to refill their torture device, because I know what is sure to come.
40
The emperor is ready and waiting, his legions of soldiers prepared to lay down their lives for the man they believe to be a god. How else can they explain the thousands he has saved from grueling plagues and disastrous famines? They are happy and willing to fight for the emperor against these great beasts. They shall slay the monsters at all costs.
