She kisses with a hunger that I match, savoring the taste of her. Jyn is far rougher than I am when it comes to disrobing, practically tearing away my clothes. I have no complaints, reveling in her eagerness. I lay her down on her jumble of pillows, lifting away the last of her silks—
And pause.
Her body is covered in scars. The majority of them are an angry red, deep and jagged across her tender flesh. Her arms, her chest, her ribs, her belly, her thighs—marred by unspeakable violence. I can’t recall seeing such terrible marks on her when she was adragon, though I suppose I was too mesmerized by her to have noticed. Now, I can’t look away.
Especially the jagged scars upon her wrists. Row upon row upon row of puckered flesh, usually hidden beneath the cover of her long sleeves.
I carefully trace the tips of my fingers over the scars, struggling to keep my sorrow off my face. “Who did this to you?”
Jyn tries to squirm away, but I hold on to her tighter. Her cheeks flush as she casts her eyes down in shame to avoid mine. She doesn’t answer me for a long while. And when she does, it’s barely a whisper, the sound of her voice almost lost to the soft winds just outside our tent.
“I did.”
My stomach churns. “What?”
Her eyes won’t meet mine. “Don’t think less of me, Sai.”
“I would never. I only want to understand why.”
“It was… lonely, these seven thousand years.” Her emerald eyes go dark and distant as her lower lip trembles. “There were times where I thought perhaps it might be… easier. To end it. To finally be at peace.”
Her confession stops me from breathing. I’m heartbroken, horrified that she almost erased her light from this world, yet grateful it never came to pass. With all those years spent alone, how could I blame her?
“Yet you remain,” I say.
“Because I’m a coward. I was too afraid to reincarnate.”
“Why?”
“I was scared of forgetting you,” she confesses. “You know what it’s like, seeing bits and pieces, but never understanding the whole. If I forgot who you were to me, there’d be a chance I would never find you again. I couldn’t bear the thought.”
I take both her hands, lacing her fingers gingerly between mine. “You’re no coward. You are the bravest soul I have ever met. I can’t imagine the things you’ve endured.”
My jaw tightens as I notice a different scar, tracing its shape. This one runs deeper than the rest, cutting all the way across the width of her torso. “Were all of these really by your own hand?”
“Not all. Some were his doing. I narrowly escaped before deciding to go into hiding for good centuries ago.”
Jyn wraps her arms around my neck as our bodies press together. Her bare skin against mine is heaven incarnate, fulfilling a need I didn’t realize I had. “Please,” she rasps. “Whatever happens, Sai, stay away from Róng. That man is—” Her voice breaks, a sob rising instead. “I can’t lose you again.”
“I promise you, that won’t happen.”
“But Sai… itwill.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“You’ll grow old again,” she says. “I’ll only be able to watch you grow old and gray. You’ll pass on, and I’ll be alone again.”
I breathe her in, holding her with more care than I would the finest silks of all the lands. I don’t know what to say—if there’s anythingtosay. I wouldn’t want to watch my Fated One fade and leave me again, either.
Her tears betray her, streaking down her cheeks as I kiss her. “Sai—”
“This time will be different,” I say slowly, softly stroking her thighs.
“How can you possibly know that?”
I hold her gaze, steadfast. It would be foolish of me to make grand, sweeping promises after everything Jyn has been through. I can’t wipe away the misery of seven thousand lonely years, but I have never been one to give up hope. There’s no telling what thefuture has in store for us, but I am as determined as I’ll ever be to keep Jyn safe. I may not be able to move Heaven and Earth, but that won’t stop me from trying where my Fated One is concerned.
In the same way I can sense her over our thread, I allow her to feel my conviction. I don’t need words, I realize, when she can know my entire mind. How do I know that this time will be different? Because we are here together against all odds. Fate has helped us find one another. In this lifetime, maybe we stand a fighting chance.
