“Ah. Can’t say I remember her.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“Yeah. A long time ago.”
As far as awkward conversations go, this one takes the cake. Even the one with his parents hadn’t been so bad. At least he had his guilt to do all the talking—not to say that he doesn’t feel guilty about the way he left things with his uncle, but it isn’t quite the same.
Shang hurt Charlie in a different way, one that hit his pride.
“I’m sorry,” Shang says, giving it a try anyways. “I should have listened to you.”
Charlie shakes his head. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”
Shang frowns. “O—kay?”
“When Xu Hong told me you were going to be here, I spent the whole night trying to figure out what I was going to say to you.” Charlie sighs. “I know it’s foolish, but I’m still very upset, Shang.”
“I understand. I am, too. At myself.”
“Do you remember what you said to me before you ran off to Paris?”
Shang shakes his head. “I don’t remember. I was... angry.”
“You said I ‘was a worthless teacher of no value.’ You said ‘I was just an old man clinging to my father’s glory.’ I think you said my food tasted like ass, too. Just in a more colorful way.”
Shang winces. It’s coming back to him now. The things he said in anger were a blur to him. He doesn’t remember anything other than seeing red, of feeling so upset and frustrated and furious that he couldn’t breathe. He may not recall what was said, but Charlie does. Those words hurt his uncle far more than Shang had ever realized.
“I’m sorry.”
“I quit afterwards, you know. After you left.”
“I heard.”
“I didn’t realize that I’d failed you until it was too late.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I was a dumb kid.”
“Regardless, it was a really bad time for me. For all of us, after you... My best student and nephew wanted nothing to do with me. My best friend was paralyzed. I had to watch as my sister tried to pick up the broken pieces.” Something in Charlie shifts from sadness to quiet rage. “You have no idea how many nights your mother cried on my shoulder, kid. Do you have any idea how hard it was to watch her struggle to keep it together? All she wanted was a phone call and you couldn’t be fucked.”
Shang’s throat squeezes tight as a stinging pressure builds behind his eyes. “I know,” he chokes. “I know I fucked up. I’m... I’m trying to make it better.”
“Your parents may have forgiven you. That’s what parents do. But I’m still fucking pissed, Shang. It’s... Shit. I need more time. What you did...” Charlie rubs a hand over his weary face. “I’m sorry. I know this probably isn’t your idea of a great family reunion, huh?”
Shang swallows to keep himself from crying. None of this is fair. Sebastian took so much from him, and Shang still has to suffer the consequences. A part of him wants to be defensive, to use Sebastian as an excuse. But the other part of him knows he needs to own up to it, that some of his decisions were entirely his own. Shang hurt his loved ones, intentionally or not, and he can’t expect everyone to forgive and forget no matter how much he wants it.
“I understand,” Shang says quietly. “All I can do is say I’m sorry and try to be better.”
Charlie nods solemnly. “I’ll get there. I just need time.”
“I’m sorry for the things I said. I don’t think your food tastes like ass.”
“Thanks, kid.” Charlie clears his throat and straightens his back. “I’m, uh... I’m going to get back to the party. See you out there?”
“Yeah, uh... maybe.”
Charlie disappears, and Shang’s never been more thankful for the quiet that follows.
It takes him a few deep breaths before he stops shaking. Things with Charlie aren’t ideal, but perhaps with time, it’ll get better. Shang’s making an effort, and right now, he tells himself that’s enough.
