THE THREE ORIGINAL FEARS SUTRA
as spoken by the one Mother Nova of the Northern Temple of the Starlit Order at the ordination of the Vessels
Stop me if you know this one. [Mother Nova laughs.]
First, there was only the Infinite Light, and it was an ocean of pure awareness. Yet, there was little for it to be awareof, for onlyitexisted. It stretched from one end of the cosmos to the other for as long as eternity itself. And it flowed from one end of the cosmos to the other, for there was no obstacle in its path and no riverbed to steer it. And the longer the Infinite Light flowed, the longer the Infinite Light looked upon itself as itself, the more afraid it became. For if there was onlyitand nothing else,itwas everything. And the Infinite Light grew frightened that ifitstopped existing, theneverythingwould stop existing.
That became the First Original Fear, the fear of being.
But the Infinite Lightiseverything, and so it cannot stop being. And we, as the mere Vessels of the Infinite Light, are it too, so we cannot stop being either. For the Infinite Light is the very thing that started everything, and hence it cannot end.
As time passed, the Infinite Light grew lonely, for onlyitexisted. After billions of years, flowing from one end of the cosmosto the other, it grew tired of only having awareness of itself. It created galaxies and stars, and watched as they moved along one another and watched as they acted upon one another. But even that grew too boring for the Infinite Light, and so it created more and animated more.
And it created the sand foxes, and the bees, and the ocean fish, and the river crabs—you know which ones I mean, the ones with the needle-sharp pincers. [Mother Nova laughs.] And it created you and it created me, and watched us move along one another and watched us act upon one another, and in that the Infinite Light found great entertainment.
But watching through our eyes confused the Infinite Light, and it grew frightened whenever one of its creations passed. For while the Infinite Light persisted, our physical forms could not. For while the Infinite Light was the very cosmos, our bodies were not. And even as the Infinite Light welcomed itself back into itself, the Second Original Fear came to be, the fear ofnotbeing.
Of course, we know that there can be no fear of not being, for everything thatishad always been the Infinite Light and doesn’t stop being the Infinite Light when it passes.
The longer the Infinite Light watched itself through the eyes of every living thing, the longer it played the billions and billions of different roles it had created, the more forgetful it got. So forgetful, that the Infinite Light forgot that it wasitin every living thing. And when the Infinite Light gazed upon another in a different dress, as I gaze upon you, it no longer saw itself. And thus, it grew ever more frightened, and so the Third Original Fear came to be, the fear of the Other.
But we know now that there is no Other. There is only the Light, animating everything that you see, playing a game with itself. Take today and every other day, as you have been sinceyou began your studies, to reflect on that. Take the time to look at one another and remember that you are more the same than you ever will be different. For a while, the masks you wear may be of a different colour and of a different design, but the actor behind the mask is one and the same.
I am as much the Infinite Light as you are, and you are, and you. I am as much the Infinite Light as the rabbits in the garden and the peaches on the trees. Remember that when you grow frustrated with one another or when you grow frustrated with a stranger. Remember that when you wish to respond with violence. We are all the Light, playing a game. Don’t harm another, for you will be harming a part of yourself. Don’t mock another, for you will be mocking yourself. And don’t think yourself above other things, for those other things are you as well, and there is nothing to beabove.
[End of recording]
12
No eyes to see with and no mouth to speak with. No body at all to hold any one of us. Yet, the Light is alive, and it will always be alive, for it is life itself. For it is the start and the end, and all life finds its way back to it. For it is the One Beginning and holds all ends within it.
Excerpt from the Three Original Fears Sutra
The missing organs had relieved Tev’s body of some of its weight, but Iris still required frequent rest, his body starving and weakened, his mind faring no better. The gnawing in his stomach had long stopped, replaced now by a cool hollowness that radiated outwards from the centre. Ishtan walked close by, the gun unholstered. Iris didn’t ask him to put it away. The archaeologist also insisted he carry Iris’s duffel bag, and Iris in turn had insisted they leave it behind. But Ishtan had won. Reluctantly, before they started off again, Iris shaved as best he could, returned the kit to the duffel bag, and handed it off to the archaeologist.
“Do you always recite sutras when you walk?” Ishtan asked when they’d been moving for nearly two hours.
Why didn’t you say anything?Iris asked VIFAI, irate, but all it did was shrug electronically in response. Iris didn’t have a straight answer for Ishtan. It was much simpler back at thetemple, where he could walk and recite in peace along the mountain trails for days without ever seeing anyone. It was a habit, like many others, that made more sense in the routine of temple life. “It’s a nervous tick, I suppose,” he said at last. “I can stop if it’s making you uncomfortable.”
“No, no, not at all.” Ishtan picked up his pace and came up on Iris’s left side. “It sounded like you were going over a piece of the Cosmic Jewel Sutra.”
There is hunger of the stomach. There is hunger of the mind. There is hunger of the bone and the soul. Feed the soul, and all other hungers will be sated.
It very well could have been; Iris couldn’t remember. He was not in any mood to discuss the workings of his mind, nor the intricacies of the Cosmic Jewel Sutra, and was quick to nod along and dismiss Ishtan’s further inquiries. There was, however, an entirely different topic that needed broaching. Setting Tev down for the third time since they had started their trek, Iris stretched out his back.
“Ishtan, how much is theNicaeaworth to you?”
Ishtan tugged at his beard. “Depends on how you conceptualise worth. She is a prized relic, yes, but in monetary amounts, I’d say theNicaeais priceless.”
“But toyou?”
Ishtan chuckled. “Sheisa discovery that makes a career, if that’s what you’re getting at. Not just my career.Anyone’s.Yan and his students—” Ishtan glanced at Tev’s body and sighed. “Yan and Jesi would benefit from the discovery, if they ever make it out alive. I would as well. The academic world is cutthroat, and each and every one of us is thinking of our careers. Not anymore, given the …” He gestured around himself.Noticing Iris glance down at the pistol, Ishtan shook his head. “Yan’s paranoia getting to you, Vessel?”
Iris straightened his back and faced Ishtan directly, no sound but the dripping water around them. It would be awfully simple to shoot straight, to end Iris’s life with a single shot. Instead, Ishtan holstered the gun. “I hate these things,” he admitted. “I thought … thought I’d have better aim. I didn’t really aim. I wanted to save the boy, I really did. I’ve done so little to be helpful.”
“You missed. There is no shame in that,” Iris said. There was no way to say Ishtan’s bullet had been merciful and had ended Tev’s suffering before it began. So, Iris said nothing. He knelt and gently picked up Tev’s body, swinging it over his shoulder. There was still a long way to go. Many hours to spend in each others’ company. He didn’t want to hurt Ishtan any more than he had to.
After half an hour of laden silence, Ishtan asked, “Don’t you find it ironic, Iris, that those who were in the biggest hurry to get off First Earth were the last ones to get to any meaningful destination?”
