Ishtan was already moving. “We left them in the corridor. I’ll go get it.” He paused. “Maybe Eli should come with me.” With a grunt, Eli hopped to his feet and followed close.
If they were moving out, Iris would gather his things as well. He was nearly at the doorway when a small voice called after him. “No one is supposed to go alone.”
Iris gave Tev a reassuring smile. “I’ll only be gone a few minutes. I’m armed. You don’t need to worry.” With those words, he slipped out into the corridor and hurried towards the cargo bay. Maybe it was the throbbing in his shoulder or the prolonged silence in his mind, but Iris was growing increasingly irritated by the minute. Irritated with the notion of guns. Irritated with a lack of a sensible plan, and mostly irritated with himself.You’re mad at me, I understand that, but I really need you to be the mature one right now,he thought at VIFAI as he passed down the corridor. After a few dozen steps, there was a familiarfullfeeling in the periphery of his consciousness.
I’m sorry about Dr. Alo.
Just a few metres of separation from the room, and Iris had already forgotten. He mentally nodded in agreement.
I was watching as you examined her. The initial attack must have been nearly instantaneous. She would have lost consciousness immediately. Very little chance of pain. She didn’t—For a moment, Iris was blind with rage, and VIFAI broke off. Its last word echoed through the chasm left in its wake, but unlike every other time, Iris didn’t chase it into the black. When VIFAI spoke again after Iris’s anger had receded, its electronic voice was fractured and trembling.Don’t do that again, please,it said weakly.
Iris was already at the edge of the cargo bay, but the change in his VIFAI’s tone startled him still. “I nearly hurt you again, didn’t I?”
VIFAI chimed an affirmative.
“I need to watch my anger. I’m sorry.” Iris rested his forehead against the cool metal door. “You can shock me in retaliation if you’d like. I deserve it.”
If I shock your brain stem wrong, you’ll die,VIFAI said softly.You die, I die.
Iris didn’t say anything, but VIFAI had access to all his thoughts. He let it make what it wanted from them. Once inside the bay, there was very little time at his disposal. As carefully as he could, given his limited mobility, Iris ran his shaving blade across his head and jawline, cleaning any pesky stubble. He was grateful no one had commented on his dishevelled appearance. Perhaps they had never noticed, what with the death of their colleague and their own impending demise looming ever closer. On the last pass, his hand broke into a tremor, and Iris was forced to rest the blade.
Be patient,VIFAI reminded him.
With the electronic voice, so much like his own, yet distinct enough to never blur the boundary between them, came a subtle relief. It was familiar and safe. A Vessel’s AI construct was programmed to match the internal voice of its handler to minimise the cognitive dissonance between organics and inorganics. The minute difference in their timbres created the illusion that this was a friend, a real person who cared for Iris’s well-being, a person who understood his intentions and compulsions before he ever uttered them. In his younger days, Iris would frequently forget that it was VIFAI who spoke to him and not a rogue thought of his own. Through the years, their mannerisms diverged, as did their voices, and Iris learned to identify theotherwho was sharing in his mind. He could no longer remember what it had been like to be alone.
In a feeble attempt to escape the spider nest of these convoluted thoughts, Iris shut his eyes forcefully and let himself slip into the darkness of the void always lay just beyond perception. Here, nothing could harm him. Nothing could disturb him. Here was complete silence, a space free of even VIFAI’s voice, of hisown thoughts. Iris’s fingers unconsciously brushed against the cigarette tucked into the sleeve of his undershirt, and he was no longer at peace.
Your engineer is warming up to you.
“Not. My. Engineer,” Iris said, emphasizing each word. He shoved his shaving kit back into the duffel bag. He picked up the previously discarded bloodied robes and slid them on, tying the drawstring at the side. After a final look around the cargo bay, he bowed deeply to the pile of bones in the corner.
“I’ve failed you all,” he said, voice monotone. “Please forgive me, and I hope you all find your way back to the Light.” Iris was about to walk out when he forcefully turned back on his heels. “No. You don’tneedme. You were returned to the Light when you passed, plain and simple. That’s how this works. You were always with the Light, in life and in death; you never left it. I was here for tradition, ritual, not for purpose. The role of the Vessel is to usher souls back to the One Beginning, but you passed hundreds of years ago. There is no family here to soothe. There is no grief to hold. How could you not have moved on already? Haven’t you?”
You’re sounding a touch frantic.
Iris ignored the remark. “You’re gone. You’ve been gone the moment you took your last breath. Same as Ordan, same as Dr. Alo, same as—” He took a deep inhale. Hewasbeginning to sound frantic. “There is nothing I can do for the dead. There is nothing thatneedsto be done,” he said with finality. For the dying, yes, there was peace he could bring. For the remaining, he could provide solace. But the dead had already slipped through his fingers. They could no longer speak and ask him difficult questions. Perhaps that’s why Iris had preferred them to the living all this time. What good had he been as a Vessel to Ordan and Riyu? They weren’t of the faith. They weren’t evenparticularly curious about it. Now, they were dead, and he was useless.
You’re not useless. You said some wonderful words.
But those weren’t uttered for the dead, were they?
Iris couldn’t tell if VIFAI was being sarcastic, but by that point, he was already walking back towards the communal area with his duffel bag in hand. Already moving on towards the next action, never stopping even for a moment to consider the implications of what was happening around him and inside him. Yan’s pragmatism had rubbed off on him in just a few short days and a surge of anger roiled through Iris’s stomach at the idea. He had been among laypersons too long. Meanwhile, he had been away fromhimselffor too long, lost in the frequency and nuance of interpersonal interaction. He had neglected his practice, and his mental state was suffering or it.
When he stomped past of the threshold of the communal room, five pairs of eyes shot up and stared at him. He was a sight to behold. Bloodied and tattered robes drenched with perspiration, eyes glowing with exhaustion and adrenaline. A long gash ran along his left temple. Jesi opened her mouth to say something, but Yan motioned for her to be quiet. He approached Iris slowly, hand half extended, just enough to show he meant no harm. “Vessel,” he said softly, “you look like you should take a breather.”
At his tone, Iris forcefully straightened his back and set his jaw, shamefully admitting that it was both a very prideful and confrontational gesture. “I assure you, engineer Yan, that I am fine. Better than fine.” VIFAI flung up Iris’s body metrics, including his heart rate and his blood pressure, half to show off that it could and half to make a point that the engineer was, unfortunately, very much correct.
Yan took another step closer and then another. Before he could take the last step that would place him within a metre of Iris, Iris’s hand shot up on instinct, pulsar blade releasing in a single smooth motion. Blue, glowing blades extended to their full length on either sides, and Yan stumbled backwards.
You’re doing fantastic.
Jesi and Tev flinched in unison, and Ishtan reached for his new possession—Ordan’s pistol. Eli simply gave Iris a disapproving glare. Just as quickly as the blade had extended, Iris deactivated it and returned it to its holster.
Collecting himself from the edge of what would surely be a loud and detailed outburst, Yan said, “Take a breather.” It was a gentle order, but an order nonetheless, leaving nothing up to Iris’s interpretation. It was ayou need to sit out for an hour before you do something stupid and kill everyone hereorder, and Iris couldn’t argue with him.
“Maybe you’re right.” It was all Iris could manage, before he turned away and went to Riyu’s body. He sunk to his knees and dropped his forehead to the ground in prayer. He didn’t bother slowing his fall, and his knees hit the floor with full force, sending a jolt of pain echoing through his femurs. Jesi and Tev muttered behind him, but he quickly tuned their voices out, focusing only on the blankness of his own mind. He had been neglectful. He had been rash and unpredictable. After nearly two decades at the temple, it was disappointing to falter under such circumstances. And yet.
For all his efforts, Iris’s mind raced afire with the thousands of possibilities, each ending in his death. His, Jesi’s, Tev’s, Ishtan’s, Eli’s, and Yan’s. Death was all around them now. Death was always watching, and it was inevitable. Iris forced a deepinhale. Sticky air filled his lungs. His left shoulder answered with a deep ache.
