Two bodies were splayed across the ground in the dim glow of the mushrooms. Iris raced to Riyu and pulled at the vine around her neck. The botanist’s eyes were wide open and rolled back into her skull. The vine had tightened enough that the skin around it was bruised, and Iris couldn’t lace his fingers underneath it. Witha short pulsar blade, he carefully cut the vine until it fell away by his feet. He pressed his ear to Riyu’s chest and held his breath, listening. She was alive, barely. When Iris tried to pull her body from the ground, an intricate glowing web broke away from the moss. Life aboard the ship worked fast. An hour at most, and it would have begun to siphon material from Riyu’s body.
Throwing the botanist’s body over his shoulder, Iris got to his feet. They had never interacted with the ship until they shut the door towards the initial airlock, yet it somehow knew Riyu was alone. On his way out, Iris shut the door. No one would visit Ordan again; he belonged to the ship now. There was no denying it any longer. They were being hunted. No one would be safe again.
When Iris set Riyu’s body on the floor in the communal space, Jesi drew back, eyes filling with tears. Tev did his best to shield her from the view, but he was faltering himself, his hand trembling as it lay on her shoulder. Ishtan and Eli moved without being asked to, collecting water and whatever was left in the med-kit. For a moment, Iris caught Yan’s eyes. The engineer’s fragile gaze wavered between Riyu’s body and Iris in a silent plea.Help her. Save her.Iris was not equipped to do either. “I need you to keep the others busy,” Iris said, keeping his voice as warm as he could. “I need to examine her.”
“What good can you do?”
Iris didn’t want to say. “I know what wounds are fatal,” he said anyway. Yan didn’t reply, but he turned away and went to where Jesi and Tev were huddled together. Yan was paling under his tan skin, so quickly that Iris was concerned he’d black out. But there was very little in his Vessel training he could use to comfort him. Even less that would be of use to treat Riyu.
Meticulously, Iris ran his fingers over every inch of Riyu’s neck, stopping to feel the collapsed trachea, the bruising wherethe vines had taken her. They must have tightened in an instant. She couldn’t have cried out for help. The impact was so aggressive that below the bruising was further damaged skin, a burn-like texture peering through. Short rasps came from Riyu’s bluish, parted lips. She was still breathing, but barely, each exhale becoming more and more strained. The body could persist even when the mind was already gone, Iris knew this, but even an empty body deserved respect.
If it were anyone else, in any other place, Iris would light incense, and he would gather everyone around Riyu, and they would all say kind things about her while she could still hear them. There would be stories and happy memories. It was the only proper way to send someone off.
But this wasn’t anywhere else.
It wasn’t anyone else.
Exhausted and numb, Iris squeezed moisture from the moss into her half-parted mouth. With every soft breath she took, with every second spent waiting for the inevitable, Iris was failing more and more as a Vessel. Gathering the others would only tear open the fresh wounds they already carried. No, he would sit with Riyu alone. No words came to him, but he remained in his stillness, bearing witness to her last moments.
After the initial shock had worn off, Jesi and Tev fell asleep, huddled together on the far end of the room. Ishtan and Eli rested by their side. Yan waited idle alone. An unsaid agreement was made that no one would be out of sight again.
Iris spent the coming hours watching the slow rise and fall of Riyu’s chest. He remembered her excitement at the fungi and instantly came awfully close to crying. He could call on VIFAI to tell him more about generation ships as a distraction, but everything, including his own survival and the deep ache of his wound, seemed distally inconsequential now. Sittingcross-legged beside Riyu’s body, a familiar tug of withdrawal called to him. This time, he resisted the desire to vanish in the abyss and instead took Riyu’s hand in his and bowed deeply, until his forehead touched her knuckles.
It was a gesture reserved for very few. He had only held Mother Nova’s hand in such a way, and even that had been years ago, when he was only on the cusp of adulthood. But Riyu had been kind. She had been kind in a way that had pulled Iris closer to the others, in a way that had warmed him even when he was alone. She had offered him food, yes, but she had offered him her attention and companionship also, and it was the latter that satiated him. She had laughed with him. She had spoken to him as if he were aregularperson. Yet, even in his present thoughts, even as she breathed before him, he thought of her in the past tense. The pang of shame caused him to wince. All his training had centred on the deaths of strangers, and this, this was no stranger.
As the hours passed, Riyu’s rasps faded. Silence washed over Iris, and he looked up from Riyu’s hand to find her bloodshot eyes focused and intelligent, peering into his. She took a single light breath, and her eyes drifted towards the high ceiling, looking, searching for something beyond what her eyes could see. “Take me home,” she whispered through cracked lips, barely audible. “Eternal rest grant unto me, O, Lord. Let perpetual light shine upon me and—.” She exhaled softly as her pupils softened and grew. They expanded until her eyes were nearly completely black. Her chest never rose again.
Bring her peace, VIFAI finished the prayer.
Iris reached over and gently guided her eyelids shut. If it weren’t for the necklace of deep purple bruising around her slender neck, Riyu would have looked merely asleep, resting peacefully, only to wake in a few hours. Yet, there was no moreRiyu, no more Dr. Alo, no more kindness and sandwiches. Iris squeezed her hand so hard he feared he would fracture bone. He lowered his forehead onto her knuckles once more, feeling the skin already cooling against his fever.
“The Infinite Light is your flesh as it is starlight. The Infinite Light is these words as it is the blood in your veins,” Iris murmured. “Rejoice that in your last breath you learn what it is to be the cosmos. Rejoice that in your last breath you learn what it is to be the cosmos.” She wasn’t Starlit; it didn’t matter. Words were all Iris had left, all he could give Riyu as his thanks. He could do nothing more for her.
Beside him, Yan lowered himself to the floor with a huff. “How is she?” he asked.
“Gone,” Iris whispered, sitting up straight. He did his best to smooth out his bloodstained robes and trousers, now also caked with dirt, and to keep his voice neutral. It was allneutral. Death in itself had no emotion attached to it. It was inevitable, it was normal—and this time, it stung behind his eyes unbearably, all raw anguish and rage. Yan’s shoulders stiffened at his reply, and for a second, he looked as if he was ready to cry. But instead, he let out a long, quiet sigh.
“Are you all right?” Yan asked after a prolonged silence.
Iris took Riyu’s hand in his again. He looked straight ahead and willed his voice to be neutral. “I’ve been doing this for a decade, you know, being a Vessel. I’ve been all across the galaxy, to every imaginable corner, to usher souls to the One Beginning. I’veseendeath. I’ve heard it. I’ve been near it, so close to it I’ve held it with my own two hands.” The lump in his throat wouldn’t recede. “I have always known that death comes for us all. It is neither good nor bad. Death justis. But now—” No further words came, so Iris simply stopped talking.
From the corner of his eye, he watched Yan dig through the front pocket of his shirt and pull out a single cigarette. He offered it to Iris, tucked between his index and middle fingers. “It hurts because she was a friend.”
Iris nodded and out of fear of crying in front of the engineer, took the cigarette quickly.
“I don’t have a match,” Yan said with a rueful smile. “Lost the pack running around.”
“No harm.” Pushing back against the buildup of tears, Iris smiled back. “I’m not supposed to smoke anyway.”
RETREAT
THE WAY OF THE INFINITE LIGHT
lecture two of seven delivered by the one Mother Nova of the Northern Temple of the Starlit Order to the newly ordained Vessel apprentices
You’ve been searching for it all your life, haven’t you? You’ve been peeking around corners and digging up wells. You’ve climbed mountain peaks and threaded through forests. You’ve learned to pray and to meditate. You’ve relinquished your possessions and cast aside your attachments. Your knees are calloused and your hands raw. All in vain. All of it, in vain.
Now, you stand at the edge, questioning everything you’ve learned. Questioning every single word you’ve ever uttered.
