As the conversation moves on, I glance over at Juniper and find her gaze firmly fixated on her plate as she pushes around the remnants of her pasta.
Rusty’s words echo through my mind for the rest of dinner. I really thought I could go through this without attaching myself to Juniper. I thought we could fuck and have fun and not be anything more than coworkers, and by the end of the summer, I’d be ready to move on to the next thing.
I’ll have enough money to take some time off from work and train with a new horse so I can be ready to race come spring. Finding a horse I connect with should be my priority, but I think I’ve found one already.
I just need to ask Mr. Calhoun if he’d consider selling her.
Who would have thought that something that was supposed to be just a summer job would lead me to find two very significant things in my life?
I wish I could take both of them with me when I leave.
After dinner, I stay at the main house to make it seem like I’m sleeping there. I swear time moves more slowly, and only a few minutes have passed each time I look at the clock. I stand and pace the room, listening for the telltale signs that the Calhouns have gone to sleep.
By eight thirty, my restlessness gets the best of me.
“Fuck this,” I mutter.
Cracking open the door of my room, I peer down the hall to see if any light is shining from downstairs. When I don’t see any, I grab my boots and tiptoe down the hall. A dim light under Oakley’s door has me on alert, and I glance back with every step I make, hoping she doesn’t open it and see me.
When I make it down the stairs and out the back door, I slip on my boots and let out a sigh of relief. My thumping heartdoesn’t slow down as I make it to Juniper’s house, knocking twice before twisting the knob and pushing inside.
I find her pacing her living room, her fingers tapping against her thighs. She spins my way, and my heart breaks when her bottom lip trembles and a tear slips out.
I rush to her, wrapping her in my arms and swaying us gently as she starts to cry in earnest.
“What’s got you so upset, sunshine?”
She lets out a stuttered breath, shaking her head against my chest. Is she thinking about what Rusty said, too? Did his words feel like throwing salt on a wound for her as much as they did for me? I don’t want to ask outright, in case that’s not why she’s upset, but I can’t help but wonder.
She pulls away from me, swiping at her eyes. “Dinner was overwhelming, is all. My social battery is drained, and… I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m up for anything sexy tonight. If you want to go?—”
I place a finger on her lips. I don’t want to hear her tell me I can go. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than with her, especially if she’s drained. I’m not convinced that’s the whole story, but I won’t push the subject.
“I’m not going anywhere. We don’t have to have sex to spend the night together. Let me hold you tonight. We can talk more in the morning if you want.”
“You’re sure? I know I talked a big game about the vibrator, and I feel like I’m disappointing you by not being in the mood.”
I cup her face, making sure I have her eyes when I say, “You could never disappoint me. I’m not upset that you’re not in the mood. Maybe we’ll never get to the vibrator, and that’s okay. Being with you is the only thing I care about right now.”
A singular tear slips from the corner of her eye, and I wipe it away with my thumb. I swear I can see the words she wants to say swirling around in her sapphire depths. I know why she’s scared to say them, but what I wouldn’t give to hear them, at least once.
She lifts onto her toes and presses a sweet, tender kiss to my mouth. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being here.”
I want to tell her I’ll always be here, but that would be a lie, so I say the only honest thing I can without scaring her: “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
Chapter 22
Another monthof weekend sleepovers with Juniper has passed. Another month of falling deeper into her endless sapphire eyes. Another month closer to our inevitable end.
One month until I leave. I’m not ready.
I’ve fallen in love with the ranch, the endless Montana skies, the scenic mountains, and the people here.
I try not to think about it.
