I can picture it so clearly, life with Juniper. We’d live in her tiny house, and I’d help with the ranch. Sunday dinners year-round with her parents, and nights spent tangled together. Openly holding hands at Glacier’s Grocery and dancing with her at The Mule. I’d hold her when she has panic attacks, and she’d remind me not to be so grumpy all the time.
But that isn’t how this thing with her will be, and that’s a reality I have to live with.
I swear my heart is being ripped out of my chest, and I know that when I leave this place, pieces of my heart will be left here, scattered among the wildflowers. The flowers will grow and bloom again next year, but I won’t be here to see them. To be reminded of the woman I’m pretty sure I’m in love with.
Chapter 20
If I didn’t know better,I’d think we were in the Arizona desert instead of the cool mountain air, with how hot my body is. Addison looks at me with an expression that makes my heart stutter. There’s a galaxy of unsaid words and silent desires swirling in her deep brown eyes, and it has me wanting to spill my soul to her.
I figured that an hour into watching literal paint dry, she’d take Athena back to the ranch and enjoy her day off doing whatever it is she does. She shocked the hell out of me by watching everything I did with a keen gaze, like she was trying to memorize each brush stroke.
I’ve never had someone watch my creative process, and at first, I was nervous. What if having her there, observing my every move, had me clamming up? What if she started telling me my technique was wrong or gave input when I didn't want it?
My fears were doused when she didn’t say anything at all about my painting, instead asking me questions totally unrelated to painting or the ranch. It almost felt like she had looked up topics to fill the silence.
She’s got my heart ready to burst out of my chest with her thoughtfulness.
I don’t know if Mama knew what she was doing by sending Addison out here, and even though I feel like I need to have a chat with her about meddling in my love life, I’m grateful she did it.
The silence between us is starting to make my tongue itch, so I swallow and clear my throat. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my life. How can I not stare?”
If my cheeks weren’t red before, they sure as hell are now. “I’m sure that’s not entirely true. I mean, unless you haven’t seen a single news article or magazine with a celebrity on it.”
I try to add a little levity to the serious vibe thick in the air.
Addison shakes her head and steps closer to me, looping an arm around my waist and pulling me closer. She leans forward so our noses brush, and I swear a small smile tips her lovely pink lips. “I’ve seen lots of people in my lifetime, Juniper. I’ve been to lots of rodeos, met good-looking people from rodeo queens to bull riders, and none of them compares to you. In fact, I can’t conjure up a single one of their faces.”
She tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “Three years from now, when I’m long gone, I’ll still be able to recall every detail about you. The slope of your nose, the shade your cheeks turn when you blush, the way your eyes sparkle in the sunlight. All of it is ingrained in my brain.”
She’s not feeding me flowery compliments to get me to bed, and that only makes my feelings for her deepen.
“You can’t say stuff like that,” I whisper, my chest constricting.
“Why?”
“You know why.”
I can’t say it. She knows. She knows saying those things aloud gives fuel to the fire, stoking the connection between us.
She knows the more we admit, the worse we’ll get burned when it’s over.
I can tell there’s more she wants to say.
She kisses me instead, conveying what she wants to say without speaking the words aloud.
It devastates me as much as it makes my heart soar.
As she pulls back, she nips at my lip, tugging it between her teeth. It’s been so long since I’ve felt her hands on me, but I’m not about to be caught out in the open, even if I doubt anyone is coming this way.
“Dance with me,” Addison whispers, shocking the hell out of me.
“What? Here?Now?”
“Yeah, sunshine. Here, now. Let me dance with you when no one else can witness how awful I am at it.”
It’s ridiculous, and so out of character for her, but I don’t sense any hesitation in her voice. She sounds like she won’t budge on this decision.
