Hopefully.
I have to believe it won’t. I’m not about to lose my mind over a woman who has different life aspirations than I do. A good summer fling and hot sex is all this is, and it’s perfect for this moment.
At least, that’s what I’m still trying to convince my heart. Withthe way my belly flutters with excitement when Addison and I lock eyes across the corral, or the way my body gets hot all over when she grazes her pinky against my thigh under the dinner table, my heart is getting attached too fast, and the feelings are burrowing deep.
It’s not about being physical, either. Addison’s opened up to me, and I to her. The connection we’re fostering is creating something more than just fuck buddies. I’d even venture to say we’re friends.
If friends frequently had their heads between each other’s thighs.
Shaking off the image of Addison’s honeyed locks between my legs, I click on the next email while I wait until it’s time to log onto my meeting with Colleen. For the first time, I wish I were eating lunch with everyone else in the mess hall. Addison and I don’t usually sit together, but even sitting in the same room, stealing glances at each other, is better than sitting in the office.
Maybe I just want to avoid Colleen, so I don’t have to tell her I think I’m about to experience a terrible heartbreak.
Therapy always leaves me emotionally drained and ready for a nap, even if it wasn’t a heavy session. Today wasn't as heavy as it has been in the past, but I still feel exhausted.
Colleen and I talked about how worried I am about Briar, and we discussed what I can do in this situation. Logically, I know I can’t offer her more than moral support, especially since she hasn’t directly asked for help, but I still wish I could do more. She reminded me that it’s okay to feel sympathy for Briar’s situation but letting it affect my day-to-day life isn’t helpful for anyone.
I hate it when she makes sense.
Then, we discussed how I was doing with the busy season picking up. I told her I was doing as well as can be expected, and when she asked if I was doing anything new to cope, I told her no.
What was I supposed to say? ‘Oh, yeah, I’m actually having amazing sex with the wrangler who’s leaving in two months, and I think I might be a teary-eyed mess when she does because this is more than sex to me?’
No thanks.
After shutting down the computer, I lock up the office and head toward the barn. We have a fresh new group of guests today, so Addison should be in the middle of giving them a tour of the barn and introducing them to the horses.
I don’t want to look too closely into why, when I’m feeling down, my instinct is to seek her out. I should leave her be, let her do her job. But I won’t talk to her. I just need to see her. One look at her beautiful, grumpy face will be enough to get me through the rest of the day.
Halfway to the barn, a shadow creeps up next to me, and Mama links her arm with mine. “How was your session today, June-bug?”
“It was good. I told her how I was feeling about Bry’s situation. Have you heard any updates from her?”
Mama gives me a sad smile. “Not since yesterday, honey. But I have a feeling, you know? She’s going to need help eventually, and all we can do is be here with open arms to welcome her when she does.”
I nod. I can do that, even if the waiting is killing me.
“So…are there any updatesyou’dlike to share withme?” The knowing tone makes my face heat.
I thought Addison and I were being sneaky, but she is sleeping in Mama’s house, and Mama seems to know everything.
“No, not that I can think of.”
Mama hums in the way she does, and there’s so much said in that small noise. She clearly doesn’t believe me, but she won’t pushme on it. She pats my arm and sighs. “Well, when you’re ready to talk about it, you let me know. You know your Daddy and I won’t judge you.”
Mama and Daddy didn’t bat an eye when I told them I like girls as well as boys. I thought they’d be disappointed because only a month prior, Briar came out as a lesbian. There was not a single hint of judgment or disappointment, like I’ve heard so many horror stories about. I was so nervous before I told them, though, that I threw up right before and started sobbing right as I got the words out.
They’ve welcomed every partner we’ve had with open arms and have shut down any rude commentary from anyone who isn’t on the same page. Briar and I are fortunate to have them.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Mama. I promise.”
The look on her face screams that she doesn’t buy my lie. Hell, I don’t even believe myself, but I’m not about to word vomit my feelings to my mother when I’m not even entirely surewhatI’m feeling.
“If you say so.” We reach the barn and hear a chorus of laughter coming from inside. “I’ll see you at the mess hall for dinner?”
I groan, leaning my head on her shoulder. “I don’t think I’m in the headspace to socialize with the guests right now. Would you be upset if I skipped?”
“Not at all. I’ll bring you a plate. Oakley and Landry are fixing up some pulled pork sandwiches, and I know how much you love them.”
