The sting of rejection is dulled by the promise of tonight, but I still feel like she’s trying to put some distance between us. I get why, but my thoughts are still racing with the worry that I did something wrong.
I don’t want to seem insecure or like I’m trying to get her to be more than a… what do I call her? A fuck buddy? I hate the term, but I guess it describes our situation better than anything else.
Maybe I shouldn’t have agreed to this.
We ride back to the ranch surrounded by a silence that feels heavier than when we were in the truck. The silence gives me time to overthink every interaction, every move I made, and every word I’ve said to Addison since she started working here.
I’ve concluded I’m out of my wheelhouse. She’s the first and only one-night-stand I’ve ever had, and I don’t know that I’m cut out for a casual relationship. Our first time was easy and had a clear end, where we knew we wouldn’t see each other again: no last names, no personal information, just a night of pure pleasure.
This is significantly messier.
We’re in each other’s day-to-day life now, and I know things about her. Personal things that have my heart getting attached already, no matter how many times I try to remind myself Ican’t.She’s leaving at the end of the season. I can barely handle travelling to Missoula, so following her around to the rodeo or whatever she does next isn’t exactly an option.
I worry the whole way home that, after thinking it through, she no longer wants me. She’s quick to untack Athena and put her gear away, then she leaves. I don’t get it. She initiated the momentin the barn, and she proposed the deal. The hot and cold is making my head spin, and not in a good way.
After I’ve untacked Daffodil and given her a thorough brushing, I take the gear to the tack room. I’m about to put the bridle on the hook when the door squeaks open and Addison fills the frame, leaning against the door jamb.
She glances out into the barn before she closes the door and strides toward me. The bridle falls from my hands as she pins me against one of the cabinets and kisses me, pressing her body to mine.
I’m so shocked that it takes my brain a minute to catch up and start kissing her back. My hands settle on her hips, and I pull her closer, her belt buckle digging into my stomach. There’s no tongue involved this time, just our lips pressing together over and over until she pulls away, pressing her forehead against mine.
“I could feel you overthinking the whole ride back. If you’re worried about me not wanting you, don’t be. Every time we’re in a room together, you can be sure that I’ll be counting down the seconds until I can get you alone.”
How can she know that’s what I was worried about? Am I that easy to read? Do I exude insecurity? I’ve got to work on that. I can’t spend this whole summer pining after the woman who only wants me for pleasure.
“I thought you’d changed your mind on the way here.” The words come out shaky, and I internally curse myself for it. “Figured you realized this was a mistake.”
Addison’s brown eyes sear into mine, swirling with something that almost looks like hurt. That can’t be right. Why would she be hurt?
“Do you think this is a mistake?” she asks.
I should lie and say yes. End this now before I fall deeper into the mystery that is Addison Riley. I shouldn’t risk my heart by spendingmoretime with the woman who’s already stolen parts of it just by existing.
“No.”
But I already know it’ll hurt when she’s gone.
“Good. Because I don’t think so, either.” Her phone pings. “Shane wants to go over the schedule for this week since we don’t have guests. I need to go meet him, but I’ll come over after dinner.”
“Okay.”
She looks like she wants to say something else but decides against it. Instead, she presses another kiss to my lips before leaving me in the tack room. I take a deep breath and tell myself that this is fine, everything is fine. I believe she wants me now.
I just can’t help but wish it were for more than sex.
Chapter 13
This week has gone by fasterthan I thought it would. I spent a lot of time with Athena, riding the trails and testing her skills in the corral. Every time I saddle her up and settle in, a sense of calm washes through me.
I think she’s the horse I’ve been waiting for.
I just don’t know if Mr. Calhoun would sell her. If he did, we’d obviously have a lot of work to do since I don’t think she’s ever raced, but she’s responsive and a quick learner. Her coordination is excellent, so it wouldn’t be difficult to train her. I doubt we’d be champions right away, but I think we’d do well together. I’ve grown fond of her. Leaving her at the end of the summer will be difficult.
Just like leaving Juniper will be.
Mr. Calhoun insisted on us ‘young folks’, as he calls us, going out tonight. Tomorrow is the big summer kick-off barbecue, and he said we should have another night out since we won’t all have another night off together for the rest of the summer.
The last Friday of every month is line dancing night at The Copper Mule. Juniper lit up when Shiloh called to ask if she was coming. We were in the barn, mucking the stalls, when sheanswered the call, and her excited gasp brought a small smile to my face.
