They walk away, talking about downloading some app and heading into the city for a hookup.
I’ll never understand men’s brains. Did he really ask her out for some type of experiment? He seemed genuinely interested in her, and he’s going to let a thing like her anxiety about leaving stop him from pursuing her?
Oh well. His loss. At least he wasn’t an asshole to her face.
After five minutes, Juniper still hasn’t returned. I don’t know what compels me to head in the direction, or how I know the back door being propped open is a sign that she’s outside, but I do.
I find her sitting leaning on the wall, her head tipped back, looking at the stars. The cool air kisses my skin as I walk out, and the door creaks, alerting her to my presence. Her head whips in my direction, and she straightens.
“What are you doin’ out here?” she asks, her voice a low whisper.
“I came to check on you. You rushed out of there fast and left him hanging.”
“Oh no. Is he upset? God, he must think I’m such a bitch. It was rude of me to walk out like that.”
“He doesn’t think you’re bitch. No one could ever accuse you of that.” It’s none of my business, and I know I don’t have any right to ask, but I can’t help myself. “Why did you run off on him?”
Juniper sighs, tipping her head back again to avoid my gaze. “I don’t know. I mean, he’s nice enough. We’ve seen each other a few times around town, and he doesn’t give me asshole vibes, but I clammed up when he mentioned going to dinner outside of town. A new restaurant on a first date in the city is nightmare fuel, even if the person asking seems kind.”
“What about it is nightmare fuel?”
“There’s a certain expectation to be ‘on’ during a first date, and I don’t know if I have that kind of energy right now. A new restaurant means learning a new menu, and what if they don’t have the kind of food I like? And driving an hour away with someone I don’t know,stuck in the car with nothing to do but talk, makes me nervous. What if we run outta things to talk about? What if there are too many awkward silences? Ihateawkward silence. What if we get halfway there and he decides he doesn't like me? Then we have to suffer through eating andthe car ride back. It’s not worth the anxiety, even if I really need to get laid—and Caleb seems like he’d be a good candidate.”
My brain gets stuck on six words.
I really need to get laid.
Words I didn’t expect her to say, especially to me. I shouldn’t dwell on them. I shouldn’t acknowledge them. She’s opening up to me for some reason, and learning about Juniper is suddenly becoming the only thing I want to do. I’ve been researching anxiety before I go to bed at night. I never realized there were so many kinds and that someone could have multiple types at once.
Something clicks in my brain. “Is that why you were so fidgety in the truck last week? You hated the silence?”
“Pretty much.”
“Did that also play into your panic attack? The fact that I was a stranger and we had to spend hours alone together?”
She nods, and I feel like an even bigger asshole.
“I’m sorry.” I hope she can feel the sincerity I’m trying to convey. I feel awful that I’ve caused her to panic twice.
“It’s okay. It wasn’tjustthat, obviously. But…” She takes a deep, shaking breath. “I don’t know what game we’re playing. You act like you don’t remember me. Are we still pretending we don’t know each other? Are we trying to be friends or just cordial? I don’t know how you want me to act around you.”
Oh, sunshine, how could I forget you?
I stand in front of her, and when she tries to avoid my eyes, I cage her in, so she’s forced to look at me.
“You think I don’t remember you? You think I could forget any second of our time together? The way you smelled, the way you tasted, the way your whole body flushed when youcame for me. I remember it all. The memories hit me like a truck when I walked in and saw you.”
Her brows furrow, and a little scowl forms on her lips. “You’re the one who acted like you had no idea who I was first! You embarrassed me, made me feel stupid—like I imagined the whole thing. I’m not keen on going through that again.”
“I’m sorry for that. I should have handled it better. It was rude of me to act like nothing happened between us. Let me make it up to you.”
“How?”
“You said you need to get laid. Let me take care of you.”
Her eyes widen in surprise. “That’s not a good idea. We work together. What if it ends badly?”
“I think we’re adult enough to handle fucking one time and not letting it affect how we work together.”
