“The one where you lie, and I let you get away with it. Oh, wait, I hate that game. Now tell me why you were angry with me this morning, only don’t get upset. I don’t want you driving while you’re emotionally compromised.”
“I’m hardly compromised. I was just in amoodthis morning.You don’t get to have a monopoly on them.”
“Then your little snit wasn’t about the classes I suggested?”
“It wasn’t asnit,” I snapped. “Stop making me sound like a bratty child.”
“Then adult-up and tell me why you were really upset.”
“Okay, fine. You want to know why I was upset? I don’t like the idea of you interfering in my life. If I want to take classes toimprovemyself, I’ll do it. I don’t need you telling me I’m not good enough.”
“I never suggested you were not good enough. That’s not what those classes were about.”
“Oh please,” I huffed. “That’s exactly what they were about. Go to college. Continue your education. Then maybe, just maybe, you’ll be worthy. Of what, E.G.? What am I supposed to be worthy of? The job? You?”
“You’re upset,” he said.
I nodded and took my hand off the wheel to indicate maybe he was right. “Yes. I’m upset. Haven’t I been doing a good job? Aren’t I enough for you? But no, now I need some college degree to prove myself.”
I looked over at him and he looked visibly shaken. His face had gone pale and his hands were gripping the dashboard in front of him. “Pull over.”
“What? Why? I’m taking you home. We’re not there yet.”
“Now!” he barked. “Pull. Over. Now.”
“Okay, psycho,” I said. I put on my blinker, turned into what appeared to be a cul-du-sac. Then parked near a curb. “What the fuck, E.G.? I was driving fine.”
He got out of the car and immediately ass planted on the grass in between the curb and the neighborhood sidewalk. He put his head between his knees and I could see his shoulders shaking.
Instantly, I got out of the car and knelt beside him. “What is it? Are you sick? Is something happening? Do I need to call an ambulance?”
“No,” he gritted out as he lifted his head. “Pan-ic. At-tack.”
“Oh.”
I sat down next to him in the grass and rubbed circles on his back. He looked annoyed at first, but I could tell after a few minutes his breathing leveled out and he was taking deep long breaths.
“You can’t ever drive angry,” he said, his head falling back on his shoulders. “I shouldn’t have pushed for an answer. I wouldn’t have if I’d known how upset you were going to get. Bad things happen when you drive while you’re fighting. Do you understand?”
I nodded. This was about his accident. And oddly, any anger I had towards him about the classes, was instantly gone.
“I do. I’m not angry. I promise. We’re good, E.G.”
“I don’t find you unworthy. At all. That’s ridiculous. Is that what you thought?”
“It was stupid. I don’t know why my head went there. I just thought you were telling me I needed to bemore.Better. Something. I don’t know.”
He inhaled another deep breath. “You don’t need to be more, Flowers. You’re everything right now. You understand that?”
I nodded.
“Help me up,” he said.
I stretched out my hand and he took it. I gave him just enough of a lift to give him some momentum until he was standing. He stood for a second until he moved.
He got back in the car and I got back behind the wheel.
Neither of us said anything for the remainder of the trip.
