“Anna, are you sure you want to do this?”
I nodded. I had no doubt about that. E.G. was theone. Maybe not my first, but he was the one I’d waited for to start this part of my life. There was a sense of certainty in that. Iknewhim, but more importantly, he knewme.
What we had between us was different than anything I’d ever experienced with anyone. And while I knew that having sex with him was going to plunge everything else into uncertainty, I also knew this moment had been inevitable.
It was like that line from an old movie I loved.“The sex part always gets in the way.”
E.G. and I were never going to be able to get around this. We were never going to be able to pretend enough that the sex part wasn’t always there.
Because it wasn’t about sex. Not really. It was something bigger than that.
I should tell him about the first time we met.
Except, I didn’t know how he would react and I didn’t want to ruin this moment. This was mine to have. Whatever the consequences. And I knew so much about consequences. It felt like my whole life was a series of avoiding them, only to ever end up in the worst possible position.
So why not take this? Why not have this?
No matter the outcome, I would survive him. It’s what I told myself, anyway.
I took a step back and pulled off my shirt, then quickly unfastened my jeans and stepped out of them. Standing in front of him in my very sensible bra and panties, I felt both vulnerable and oddly, seriously turned on.
Because it felt like this was always supposed to be how he saw me.
It also helped that he was looking at me like he was starving. For me.
His eyes roamed up and down my body without hesitancy. Like maybe this was a thing he’d always wanted to do but had been holding himself back because he knew he couldn’t.
“I want to see you, too,” I said. I wanted him to be naked. All the way.
“In a second. It might hurt a little at first. If you’ve only done this the one time,” he said, even as he wrapped an arm around my back and pulled me closer.
“Isn’t that your responsibility, too? To make it hurt less?” I said, my breath catching, because even though he was still dressed I could feel the heat emanating from his skin.
With a casual flick of his hand, he undid my bra and tossed it on the floor. His big hand cupped my breast and I let out a whoosh of breath. He used his thumb to rub against my hard nipple, and when that wasn’t enough, he pinched it.
Hard.
Harder.
It hurt and it didn’t hurt. I didn’t know why, but I felt it between my legs.
“Pain is all part of it,” he murmured, as both hands played with my breasts. “It’s the thing no one ever tells you. Smashing two bodies together is never easy.”
“There’s going to be smashing involved?” I teased him.
He huffed out a laugh but continued to focus on my breasts.
Cupping their weight, teasing the tips. Gripping them. Suddenly, I was thrilled with the extra cup size I’d grown into since food had become a constant in my life.
“Does this feel good?”
I let my head drop back and moaned. “Yes. More of that. Please.”
Except, instead of pulling on my nipples with his fingers, he dipped his head and then his wet mouth surrounded one. He sucked it between his teeth and I immediately felt another sharp tug between my legs.
“Oh, shit.”
This wasn’t going to be gentle, I realized. It was going to be urgent and hurt, like he said, and I wanted all of it. Right now.
