“I loved Allison. She was my soulmate. She died and so I’m done with that part of my life. This,” I said, waving my hand in the air, glancing back over my shoulder, “all of it, is just killing time.”
“I’ll try not to take offense at that.” Rebecca said. Then, after a beat, she added, “Allison was the last person who would want that kind of life for you.”
“Yeah, well, she doesn’t get a say.”
“What about Anna?” Rebecca fired at me.
“What about her?”
“She’s already enamored with you, if not halfway to falling in love. Please tell me you’re not blind to that fact. You’re going to crush her. You certainly tried on Thanksgiving. Don’t think I don’t get what that was about. If you continue down this road of self-immolation, you’ll take her out in the process.”
Of course I wasn’t going to do that. I was going to push her out of my orbit long before that happened.
I turned all that guilt into anger and fired it back at my sister, who could still apparently get under my skin after all these years. I knew her vulnerabilities like the back of my hand.
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. You want to believe some silly romantic nonsense, go ahead. I can’t stop you. Better yet, why don’t you get your own love life? Stay out of mine.”
“I’m trying to help-”
“You’re trying to avoid your own disastrous dating history. How much money did Marco steal from you, again? Wait, that wasmymoney.”
The first sound she’d made was harsh, but she tried to cover over it by laughing.
“Standard Grant maneuver. You poke him with a stick, he stabs you back with a sharp knife. Well done.”
“Becks, I didn’t mean…” I trailed off because I didn’t know what I’d meant to do.
Not hurt her. Just stop her from talking about Anna.
“You’re right. I’m not dating anyone. Haven’t since Marco, because that kind of betrayal is something a person needs time to heal from. Not because I’ve given up on love. I’m still hopeful. I’m always hopeful. That I’ll find someone who I connect with. Someone who it just works with, almost immediately. And when that happens, I’ll treasure it. Because I know how rare and special it is. What I won’t do is throw it away. Call it silly romantic nonsense,” she said, getting off the couch, her chin practically hitting the ceiling. “And when it’s Christmas, close to midnight, I’m alone, and I realize the only person I want to talk to isthat person,I won’t be so stupid as to play it off as nothing. Good night.”
She stormed out of the living room and I was left alone to consider what she’d said. All of it.
A choice. To be happy. When I thought contentment was the most I could achieve.
Happiness?
Was that actually possible?
THIRTY-ONE
ANNA
She knew she was making a mistake. But she couldn’t make herself stop.
Sunday Night
I heardthe knock on the door and jumped. Which was silly. I knew he was coming. He’d texted me when his plane landed. I offered to drive out to the airport and pick him up.
Yes, I’d passed my driver’s test and now had a valid license.
There wasn’t anything about this that was unknown. Yet, I’d felt this crazy tension since I’d asked him to come over.
I rubbed my hands on my jean covered thighs and walked over to open the door. He was standing there in jeans and a light gray thermal, no coat. His reddish gold hair and green eyes so distinct, but a little out of focus.
Because there were tears in my eyes? Was I that happy to see him? He’d only been gone four days.
“Hey,” he said.
