I leaned up, wanting to feel his lips on mine. Jamari didn't disappoint as he took my lips in a kiss that had me releasing. I snatched my lips from his and screamed his name. Not too long after I came, he groaned out his release, burying his face in the crook of my neck.
"Damn..." was all Jamari said.
I licked my dry lips and panted. That amazed me. Jamari knew how to bring me pleasure. I was still drunk from the sex he had just given me. If I weren't tired, I'd ask for more.
"Why does it look like you're about to fall over?" Jamari asked with a chuckle.
I rolled my eyes. "Because I am. You wore me out."
A smirk spread across his lips as he ambled toward me with a towel in his hand. The only thing I wanted to do was sleep after the beating he gave my pussy. It was needed, and I was happy and satisfied. As he patted me dry while staring into my eyes, the only thing that did was get me wetter.
I yawned when he picked me up in his arms. "What about the food?" I asked with another yawn.
"We'll eat later. I want to lie with you for a while. Plus, you're tired."
I laid my head against his chest as he carried me to my bed. If only I knew where I stood with him. This had been so damn complicated from the beginning. Why did he have to be complicated and so difficult?
When we got into bed, Jamari pulled the covers over us and spooned me in his arms. The feeling felt too good.
"I want to apologize to you for ghosting you, as you call it," he expressed. "It was never my intention to do so. I felt like I had other matters to attend to, but I'm not brushing aside your feelings or how you might feel. I'm just letting you know how my mind works when it comes to my siblings. I have a one-track mind with them. They come first above anything else."
I didn't know why that hurt as much as it did, but I won't let that ruin how I feel right now.
"I didn't say you had to put anything above them. For one, I'm not trying to be above them. Even if your brother was sick, you could've reached out to me and let me know what was going on. You didn't." I sighed deeply.
This was too much to deal with. If I couldn't get through to Jamari, I didn't know how we'd make this work.
"I feel like things aren't going how I want them to. Every time I think I'm getting somewhere with you, you push me away. I don't know what else to do or how to feel on the matter. Right now, it feels like we're back at square one."
This tore me up inside. All I ever wanted was a man to love me as much as I loved him. Someone I could build and grow with, and a man who would encourage me and let me know he had my back. I just wanted someone to call my own, but that seemed like too much to ask for.
Jamari was quiet, and it broke my heart. Tears welled in my eyes, but I refused to let any fall. I had cried enough over him when he wasn't even mine to cry over. This had to be a mistake.Even when I approached him, I felt like he was mine. Even now, I felt a pull to him.
"Why won't you let me in?" I questioned.
He squeezed me tightly and dropped a kiss on the back of my shoulder.
"I'm afraid," he admitted.
I turned and faced him with a perplexed look on my face. "What?"
"I'm afraid to let you in. The few people I've let in have hurt me in some kind of way."
I understood him, but he didn't know me. He projected his feelings onto me when I didn't deserve it. What he should be doing is getting to know me before judging me.
"But I'm not them. You're not giving me a chance because of your past. You have to give me the benefit of the doubt. You're hurting me before we even get started. How is that fair to me? The only thing I want to do is get to know you. I've felt a connection to you since I laid eyes on you, but you're not letting me explore it because you're scared. I don't want to give up on you, but you're giving up on me without even trying."
I had to get that off my chest. If I didn't, I'd probably be the one exploding. Jamari meant something to me. I wanted to be the one to put sunshine into his life. He'd had too many gloomy days, so it was time now for him to see some shine in his life.
Jamari leaned over and kissed my lips. "You're right. I should be more open to you since I feel drawn to you as well. I don't know what it is about you, but although you're annoying, I want you in my life. I'll do better."
I beamed, happy he was willing to try for me.
"Good. That's all I ask of you. Be as open with me as I am with you."
Jamari lowered his head and kissed me again. "We're going to give this a try?"
I nodded. "We are. If we feel something for each other, it's best to see where this goes. I pray it goes far." I laid my head on his chest and kissed it.
