A lump forms in my throat. “Wh-why?”
“Because …”
As fireflies dance around the yard in front of me, I look down at my pros and cons list in my lap, where Noah’s name is surrounded by stars and hearts, and Paul’s isn’t. “Who says I even applied there?”
“Nobody, but, I know you Auddie Girl … I know you. I know you better than anyone else.”
Hearing him say that causes my frustration to rise. “What the hell does that even mean? You’ve barely talked to me in the last nine months …” My voice breaks.
“It means you're my best friend’s little sister. You can’t love me.”
His words feel like a slap.
For most of my life Noah has labeled me as his friend, never just his best friend's little sister. And he’s never verbalized what he probably knew all along—that I love him.
“Why did you call me, Noah?” Tears threaten to fall from my eyes, but I won’t show him weakness right now.
“I didn’t think you’d meet someone. I didn’t think he’d stick around … I didn’t think you’d … give yourself to someone else,” he slurs, anger showing in his voice.
I let out a snort, not correcting him—he doesn’t need to know I’m still a virgin, especially when he’s acting like this. “Are you implying you’re a virgin? Because, last I checked, you had a girlfriend or two in high school and have dated people in the last year. Do you even hear yourself right now? Sure, Noah, I had a crush on you for most of my life. Sure, I started dating someone else. You’re the one who left. You’re the one who’s telling me NOT to go to Texas. What does that say about you?”
He’s quiet on the other side of the phone as words continue to tumble out of me.
“You’re right, you used to know me better than anyone, you used to hold my entire fucking heart. You weremybest friend, Noah! Of course I applied to Texas. It was the first place I applied to. It was the first place I got in.”
“Auddie …”
“Nope. You do not get to ‘Auddie’ me right now. I’m just your best friend’s little sister,remember?” I spit out, hating how the words sound. “I would’ve chosen you over going tolive with Connor in a heartbeat. And if you were still here, I wouldn’t be with Paul right now, I’d still be drooling over you. You know that. I’ll always choose you, Noah. I’ve always chosen you; you just never choose me back. If this is how twenty-year-old Noah acts, maybe you’re right—maybe I should go to Chicago.”
I hang up before he can respond, tears steadily falling from my eyes.
I used to love him.
But now I think I love Paul.
No matter how firm my inner voice is, it feels like a lie.
Four: Audrey
Dear John - Taylor Swift
Paul makes it home before ten for the first time in a long time. I try to hide my surprise when his figure enters my sightline. I’m curled up on the couch, watching one of my many favorite Nicolas Sparks movies,Dear John,when he sits down beside me.
He doesn’t notice me clutching a tissue to my face as he groans at the screen. “This again? I don’t understand why you like these terrible movies so much … they’re so sad. Can we watch something else, something less depressing?”
Hi, honey. How was your day? I’m so glad I came home earlier than usual so we could connect. You look beautiful tonight.
I sniffle, and dab at my tears. “There’s like ten minutes left.”
He leans back on the couch, grumbling out, “Fine.”
I stare at the screen, trying to get drawn back into the story, but Paul’s hand starts to slide up my thigh, pulling up my nightgown as he moves his hand higher.
I look at him, trying to keep my tone light, even though the touch feels wrong to me. “What are you doing?”
“Touching you,” he replies matter-of-factly, not reading my body language.
“I literally just told you I have ten minutes left … can you seriously not wait until it’s over?”
