“Uh, food,” I mumble, eyes fixated on his strong hand.
His chuckle radiates through his body, straight to my heart, as he lowers his hand from my hip. “Gee, I would’ve never guessed.”
Grabbing a handful of vegetables and a jar of sauce, I try to pretend my hip isn’t warm where his hand just was.
I busy myself with prepping the counter space, acting like he’s not there, so I can fight the urge to kiss him. Afteradding butter to a pan, I start to cut the vegetables and grab rice from the cupboard.
Music suddenly fills the kitchen, and I let out a long breath. Being in this space together feels more intimate than any other moment before now.
Questions rush to my head—How many girls has he been with? What does he like to do on weekends? What’s his ringtone? Does he snore? What are his hobbies?
I shake my head.
Such silly questions …
“Auddie?” His voice wavers the smallest amount.
“Mhm?”
“What have I missed … in your life?”
Okay, so clearly I’m not the only one with questions.
“I mean, besides me being with a man who cheated on me and put me last? Not a heck of a lot …” Laughing awkwardly, I look over my shoulder at him. “I binge way too many cheesy movies, hate my job, and being around yo–uh, Connor, makes me homesick … I guess I need to figure out where my life is headed. I’m a bit of a disaster!”
“Don’t do that. You’re not a disaster.” He reaches his hand out towards me but ends up putting it in his pocket instead.
“I don’t exactly have my life figured out.”
Noah leans back against the counter with a reassuring smile. “You don’t need to have everything figured out, Auddie.”
“You do though,” I retort matter-of-factly.
He lets out a hearty laugh. “No, I don’t.”
That’s not true. He’s got a great family, he's living out his dreams and he’s back on the same team as his best friend. What else would he need?
“What don’t you have figured out?” I ask, confused.
“My love life.” He raises an eyebrow at me, as if to say ‘'duh.”
I purse my lips and put the knife down, closing my eyes. “Oh…” After two beats of silence I ask, “Do you think I'm narcissistic?”
Noah lets out a long, sharp breath, like I’ve just suggested the craziest thing he’s ever heard. “Not at all. What the fuck Auddie? Who gave you that idea? Didhetell you that you were?”
I nod slowly.
“Jesus. You’re like the least self-centered person I’ve ever met … you couldn’t be further from a narcissist. That’s the biggest load of Bowser shit I’ve ever heard.” His anger radiates around him before he softens. “Sorry, I just … knowing what he did to you, how he treated you … I don’t get it, Auddie. I mean, I do. My dad was no better than Paul with the gaslighting and the abuse. But I wish I’d known. I wish I could’ve protected you.”
My heart hurts. Seeing Noah beating himself up for something that was out of his control makes me sad. I know Connor and my parents carry a similar sadness. I’vealways been surrounded by protectors, but I should’ve known he was a bad seed. I shouldn’t have let myself stay with him so long.
“Can you … can you tell me about your relationship?” Noah’s voice sounds small.
I press a finger against my temple. “I feel like I spent years compartmentalizing everything he did or didn’t do. I hadn’t realized how much I let slide or put up with just because I didn’t know what to expect from a relationship. He made me feel special, built me up and then it’s like he always tried to pull the rug out from under my feet. Sometimes subtly and other times with full-blown tantrums.”
Noah frowns.
“What?”
