Her hand squeezes mine. “Goodnight, Noah.”
“Goodnight, beautiful.”
The creaking floor lets me know that she’s moving away from me and long after I hear her bedroom door close, I stare unblinking at the ceiling.
Sixteen: Audrey
Helium - Sia
Islept like a rock after talking to Noah. Not that I slept much before that moment either, but spilling parts of my heart was terrifying and therapeutic at the same time. I feel lighter today in some way.
I know high school Audrey wouldn’t have been brave enough to share all her feelings like that, but I know Noah would've been just as calm back then. His fake snores made me want to curl up into him and kiss him until I saw stars.
But I also don’t know where to go from here, how to close the gap on all the things I don’t know about him anymore. How to ensure I’m the best version of myself and figure out who I am on my own before I run to him. Because there’s no doubt in my mind that I want to run to him.
A knock sounds on my door, followed by Connor’s voice, “You up yet?”
“Yeah. Come in.”
Connor slips through the door. “Can we talk before you go out there?”
I sit up in the bed, pulling the covers around me. “I’m sorry about how I acted last night.”
Connor chuckles, leaning against the doorway. “Love is a slippery slope, isn’t it?”
“How would you know, you’re chronically single!” I tease him.
His brow furrows. “Be nice. You don't know everything that goes on around here, you'd been dodging my calls for quite a while there, remember?”
“I’m sorry. I’m projecting … deflecting. Whichever.”
“I’m sure all of this is a lot to wrap your head around. I’m having a hard time too,” Connor says honestly. “Are you thinking about running?”
“I don’t know … part of me is, because I feel like I need to get back before I decide to stay.” I don’t meet his eyes, I can’t let him read my thoughts right now.
“You know you can stay, right? My place is big enough.” He gives me his trademark pretty-please-with-a-cherry-on-top brother voice.
I look down at the blanket. “I know, I just …”
“Talk to me Auds.” He sighs. “Let me in your head, please.”
“I still need time to figure out who I am. What fills my cup. And I worry if I’m around I’ll …” I trail off, feeling myshoulders slump.
Connor wraps me into a quick hug before completing my thought, “Want to be something to Noah and that concept scares you?”
I mean…that’s one way to put it.
“Look, I stayed out of your stuff in high school and I sat back quietly when you started dating Paul, but I’ve watched the light go out in your eyes over the years. I don’t know if it was because you missed the family, or what. I know you loved Paul in your own way. But you never once looked at him the way you’ve always looked at Noah. And you’ve been giving each other that look since you got here. Do you realize the both of you barely looked at anyone else during dinner last night? We could have all left the table and you wouldn’t have noticed.”
I let out a laugh in agreement.
He’s probably right.
“I’m not going to force you to stay or to tell me what your plans are—I’m not going to get in the middle of your shit—but I kind of want to hang out with you both today. I want us to be the three amigos again, just like old times,” Connor says quietly. “If leaving is what you want, that’s fine. But if you’re leaving here tomorrow with the fear of the unknown trying to paralyze you, you’ve gotta share those feelings. Don’t hide them away and miss out on what could be. Auds, you’re not fifteen anymore. If you want him, go for it. I just don’t want either of youto get hurt.”
Movement shuffles down the hallway, the sound of whistling lets me know Noah is nearby, and my whole body goes on high alert.
Connor gives me a pointed look. “It’s your call, sis.”
