He averts his gaze. “College.”
My whole body radiates anger. “Before orafterweslept together?”
“Before.”
I’m so glad we’re doing this … I’m so nervous, Audrey … I love you, Audrey … I wouldn’t want to have my first time with anyone else … I’m sorry if it’s awkward …
It was all bullshit. All of it.
I stomp up a few more stairs before shouting, “You could have broken up with me like a fucking adult, instead of lying to me for most of our relationship!”
Our whole relationship was a fucking lie.
Paul looks as if that’s a revelation he hadn’t stopped to consider. “Look, we can figure something out … I still love you, Audrey.”
He’s giving me whiplash.
I stop moving, trying to keep my anger in check. “I don’t think we can, Paul.”
“What about an open relationship?” he says casually, as if he’s suggesting “let's add more salt to our fries,” not “let's add random people to the mix.”
Because that would definitely strengthen our failed relationship …
I want to throw up right now.
This is a joke, right?
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”
“No, we need to make this work. Youneedme,” He says matter-of-factly, as he steps closer to me.
I hate this hot and cold act.
Freezing, I realize that he’s always done this. He backs me into a corner and makes me the “issue,” even in situations where I’m right.
I won’t back down today.
“No, Paul. I don’t think I do.”
“Want. To. Rephrase. That?” His words are sharp. I know I’m in dangerous territory with him now, but I can’t help myself.
I look him dead in the eye and confidently say, “Sure. IknowI don’t need you.”
His hand reaches for me with a firm grasp and I try to wiggle away from him. “Ouch, Paul. That hurts. Let go.”
His grip on my arm tightens and his eyes are black with rage. “You’ll always need me, Audrey. You’ll never find someone better than me.”
I chew the inside of my cheek, realizing that he’s spent the better part of our relationship telling me that he’s the best I can have and that no one would ever “put up with me.”
But in this moment right here, I realize that I’ve deserved better for a long time and that I don’t need to be a shell of a person to make someone else happy.
“I’m leaving,” I respond coldly, glaring at him.
“You don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you! We’re done when I say we’re done!” I tug harder out of his hold, scared now. He pulls me back towards him, his breath hot against my face.
“Let go,” I repeat, trying to keep my voice steady, trying to hide my fear.
“No. Not until you admit that I’m not the bad guy. You did this to yourself.” He wrenches me closer with a determined look in his eyes. He’s desperate to regain control of this situation, but I can’t let him. “You’re the problem, Audrey. You’ve always been the problem.”
