Chapter 47 - Julian
The entire flight home, I stared out the window. I didn't work, didn't talk to Caleb. I mentally walked through every possible situation I could think of for what I would encounter when I found Lucy. How I would explain, how she would react. What I would do if she wanted to walk away for good.
I can't let that be the outcome. I can't lose her.
The flight and landing went by in a sort of fog-like state.
I remember the seatbelt sign going dark. I remember standing. I remember the sharp, hollow pressure in my chest that hadn't eased since Rowan's voice cut through my bloodstream and detonated everything I thought I could still fix.
She's gone.
The car ride is a blur of streetlights and clenched fists and the sound of my own breathing in my ears. I don't change. I don't stop. I don't sleep. I'm still in the suit I wore when I told my father we were done, creased now, collar loosened, jacket discarded somewhere between fury and resolve.
If I can just see her.
That's the only thought holding me upright.
If I can just see her, I can explain. I can fix it. I can tell her everything I didn't know how to say before.
The treatment facility looms into view, and I'm already moving before the car comes to a full stop.
Theo is pacing just outside the entrance, jaw tight, hands shoved into his pockets like he's one wrong breath away from punching a wall. He looks up when he sees me, expression hardening.
"Don't," he says immediately.
I don't slow down. "Move."
"You're not getting in," he snaps. "I've tried."
"Get out of my way, Theo."
He steps in front of me anyway. Protective in a way that I have never seen from him before.
"You don't get to barrel in here like this," he says. "Not after..."
Caleb appears at my side, a steady presence, hand gripping my arm just long enough to calm me.
"Julian," he says quietly. "Easy."
I shrug him off and head inside.
The lobby is quiet, the kind of quiet that demands respect, that absorbs chaos and spits it back out as consequences. A few heads turn. I'm aware of myself suddenly, the suit, the posture, the storm I'm dragging in with me.
I can see Theo and Caleb walk in behind me, and then I hear Elliot, understanding he and Rowan have joined us now.
I scan the space, looking for anyone who can help me, and then I see her.
Emily.
She's standing near the nurses' station, arms crossed, spine straight, eyes sharp and unyielding. Not angry. Not hysterical.
Just done.
She steps forward before I can say a word.
"You don't get to show up now and demand access like this is one of your boardrooms."
I stop.
