Not the woman behind the clipboard.
Not the one making sure everyone else is comfortable.
I’m here because I belong here.
That realization alone is enough to make me dizzy.
Julian is beside me, his hand warm at my back as we move through the room. He’s in black tonight, classic and sharp, but his tie is a deep green that matches my dress.
I didn’t point it out. He didn’t either. But I noticed.
The past month flickers through my mind like a quiet montage I didn’t realize I was collecting.
Morning coffee together, sometimes in silence, sometimes with his hand resting lightly on my thigh or draped around the back of my chair like an anchor.
The way he kisses my forehead without thinking, when I’m tired, when I’m overwhelmed, when worried about my mom. I don't even know if he's realized that he does it in this intimate, comforting way. These kisses aren't like the ones from the photo shoot. It's like he senses I need his comfort, and he'll pull me in, or bend over where I'm sitting, just be close to me, and press a soft kiss to my forehead or the crown of my head. I didn't knowJulian had it in him. One day, after I had gotten off a call with one of my mom's doctors and was feeling tired and anxious, he sat beside me, tucked me into his side, pressed his lip to the side of my head, and just held me like that. A thought came to me so fast,"Julian would be an incredible father,"and oh my god, I could see it... Julian, with a little version of us quietly comforting them, kissing away their troubles, and the thought... the image rattled me.
The way he always comes home for dinner now, no matter how late it is, unless he’s out of the city… and even then, there’s food waiting for me, ordered from places he’s learned I like.
Saturday mornings at the treatment facility, sitting with my mom, Julian listening more than he speaks, asking questions that matter.
The way Emily watches him when she thinks no one notices.
The first time I brought her to the penthouse, Emily lost her mind.
She walked through every room like she was on a game show, flopping dramatically onto couches, peeking into drawers, and opening closets with zero shame.
“LU,” she whisper-shouted in the dressing room, fingers buried in a rack of cashmere. “I am stealing some of these... I deserve cashmere. Especially because I usually live in scrubs these days.”
We video called my mom later in the day, and Em walked her through the rooms and showed her the view. I promised to bring her here as soon as she was cleared to come visit.
"You look happy, Lucy," My mom had said with a smile on her face.
Emily stayed over that night, Julian was out of town, and he sent food anyway. Enough for an army. Enough for comfort. Enough that Emily stared at the bags and said, “Okay, but this is how you know he’s serious.”
Later, when she was curled up beside me on the couch, she nudged my shoulder.
“Be honest,” she said. “Are you falling for your husband?”
I’d laughed then.
Too fast.
Too loud.
Now, standing in this room, watching Julian laugh with one of the founders while absentmindedly keeping a hand on me like he’d lose something important if he didn’t…
I’m not laughing.
Graham Whitaker crosses my mind unbidden.
Lunch with him last week had been easy. He didn’t push. Didn’t flirt. Didn’t pretend he didn’t know exactly what he was doing. He formally offered me a position, real work, real influence, a chance to do more than plan events.
And then, quietly, near the end, "How is your mother doing with her treatment?"
I had bitten my lip and debated how much to share. It wasn't that I felt like I couldn't trust Graham; he had never been anything but nice to me and seemed to see me as more than what most did at his level of influence. It was that I knew how affected Julian was by Graham's attention towards me. Julian wasn't happy when I told him about lunch. I had told him it was professional and that he could join me if he wanted to. Julian had tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear, given me a heart-melting kiss and told me he trusted me.
I took a sip of my water and replied to Graham, "She is doing ok, honestly, not what I had expected. They are trying a new medication this week to see if that changes anything. I know that these things can take time, but I... I just hate seeing her in pain."
