She wasn’tanythingto me.
And still, she lingered.
Something awoke in me, not attraction. Something older than that.
So, I stood there longer than necessary, the city reflected back at me, and for the first time since Blackridge, I felt something shift, not fear, not desire.
Uncertainty.
That was worse.
Because uncertainty didn’t fit into contracts, into measurable terms.
And problems that couldn’t be categorized had a way of breaking systems that were never meant to bend.
Chapter 6 - Lucy
The train smells like metal, old air, and too many people who’ve had longer days than they planned for.
I slip into an empty seat as soon as one opens up and let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. My feet ache, the familiar, dull throb that comes from pretending heels are a reasonable life choice.
I reach into my bag, slide them off, and swap them for the flats I always carry with me. They’re worn and comfortable and a little ugly, but the relief is instant. I tuck the heels away carefully. They were expensive. I’ll need them to last me a long time.
The train jerks forward, screeching as it pulls into the tunnel.
Forty-seven minutes.
That’s how long it takes to get home on a good night.
Tonight feels like it’s going to be longer.
My phone buzzes in my hand.
Em:She’s asleep right now.
Em:I gave her the evening meds with food like you said.
Relief loosens something within me.
Me:Thank you.
Me:I’m on my way.
I lean my head back against the plastic seat and close my eyes for a moment.
The version of me from the restaurant, the one with the good lipstick and steady smile, always feels like someone I leave behind when I come down here. Like she belongs to the surface, to warm lighting and linen tablecloths.
She feels polished. Temporary.
I don’t know how long I can afford to keep pretending to be her.
Down here, it’s just me.
The real-life me, with my real-life problems.
Emily, 'Em', is studying medicine.
She decided that when she was sixteen, sitting on a hospital chair with her knees tucked up, while Mom slept under fluorescent lights. She’d looked at me afterward and said, very calmly,I’m going to be a doctor. I won’t let them talk over her anymore.
