The truth of it hurts more than I expect.
“He’s going to think it’s him,” Fleur continues.“Or that you changed your mind.Or that he screwed something up.”
I clasp my hands, trying to hold myself together.“He’ll never understand,” I say.“Even if I tell him, he won’t.Because he adores his father.”
“Only because he doesn’t know what sort of a man he really is.”
“He might not believe me.”
“Why would he not?He’s not stupid!”Fleur snaps.
“It will destroy him,” I say quietly.“And it won’t fix anything.It won’t change what happened.It won’t make tonight go away, or make the past be easier to deal with.”
Fleur exhales slowly, frustrated but not unkind.“Keeping this inside you is already destroying you,” she says.“I can see it.The past needs to be buried, hon.Not something you live your future by, looking in the rearview mirror of your life and seeing everything in relation to that.I’m sure your mom doesn’t live her life constantly thinking about what happened.”
She’s right about that.I don’t even protest because I can feel the sickness sitting low in my gut.If I could have it my way I would have kept this buried, and somehow tried to move forward in my relationship with Zach, somehow, in some way.I thought I could, but now it’s been dragged into the sunlight, a spotlight shining on that ugly episode all those years ago.
An episode my mom never wants mentioned, and one Paul Knight will dread rearing it’s ugly head.
“I need my mom,” I say suddenly.
Fleur nods, agreeing.“Call her.”
I hesitate, because it’s after midnight and she’ll be asleep.“I haven’t seen her in a while,” I whisper.I’d visit her at least once a month, but lately, I’ve been so wrapped up in Zach, I haven’t made time for her, and now I feel bad.I’ll call her tomorrow, or when I’m feeling better, because my mom can see right through me.I lean back against the headboard and yawn, exhaustion crashing over me.
“You look exhausted,” Fleur says, getting up from the bed.“We’ll talk in the morning.”
Chapter 34
ZACH
Maya doesn’t reply to any more of my texts.The next day, I’m desperate to see her, but I force myself to let her have some space.
I head into work on Monday and decide to be based at the Stella offices all week, but when mid-morning comes around Maya still hasn’t come in to work.I tell myself it’s nothing.A sick day.A hangover, maybe, from too much emotion and too little sleep.
I keep checking my phone all day.She hasn’t texted me, and I should text her, but I’m giving her the space I think she needs.
As the day goes on my thoughts drift during meetings with Cecil, Katherine and the other managers, as I outline new pricing strategies and tightened cost controls.
By late afternoon I can’t stop thinking about her so I give in and text her, but she doesn’t reply.She reads my texts, though.I check in with HR to discover that she’s taken the day off sick.
Sick.
I text her in a panic.
Zach: HR says you took a sick day.
Maya: You checked up on me?
Zach: I was worried.Can we meet?
She doesn’t reply.
By four, I head to her apartment.I knock on the door, hoping that her roommate will be at work, leaving us free to talk privately.Maya doesn’t open, but I know she’s inside.I can feel it.I knock again, and she answers the door after a long pause.She’s wearing an oversized cotton T-shirt that slips off one shoulder, and soft shorts.Her feet are bare, her hair loose.She looks pale and drawn, like she hasn’t slept.
I feel a sense of relief.“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have just turned up unannounced, but I was worried about you.”
“It’s nice to see you again.”She offers me a faint smile and steps aside to let me in.For a few seconds we stand there, facing each other, unsure, aloof, like work colleagues again, not lovers.
