MAYA
I rush into my apartment, slip my heels off, not wanting to wake Fleur, but the moment I close the door behind me, my body gives up.
I feel like I’m finally safe enough to fall apart.My stomach lurches violently, and I barely make it to the toilet before I gag, dry heaving until my chest burns and my eyes sting.
Nothing comes up.
I stand up, walk over to the sink and splash cold water over my face.Drying it, stare at my reflection.I look like I’ve seen a ghost.Pale and gaunt.Like my mom looked that night.I don’t recognize the face staring back at me.
The shock of seeing Paul Knight has physically affected me.After discovering what he’d done to affect our lives, I promised myself I’d never let a man like that have power over me again.
But tonight, I was helpless and powerless, and fifteen all over again.
I hated that.
I grip the counter, breathing hard, feeling hollowed out and empty.I hear Fleur and hold my breath.I don’t want her to see me like this.It sounds like she’s on the phone.I tiptoe to my bedroom and sit on the edge of my bed, my hands trembling in my lap.I keep seeing Zach’s face flash before me.He looked so confused and worried.So hurt, and yet he was so gentle with me.So desperate to make everything better, but I knew he couldn’t.
It was nothing to do with him, but how could I explain that to him when he has no idea about any of this?
He doesn’t know that the man he calls father tried to take something from my mother, then punished her for refusing.He doesn’t know that the Knight name means fear and shame and survival to us.
And knowing that, I still let myself fall for Zach.
My mom will never forgive me.It’s the worst betrayal.And I can never tell him, because I care about him, and I don’t want to hurt him.It’s not revenge I want.I also don’t want Zach to hurt because it’s not his fault.
I curl forward, pressing my forehead into my hands.I hate that I lied to him, and I hate leaving him standing there, surrounded by people who love him, and wondering why I rushed away.
My phone lights up with a message from him.
Zach: Are you home safe?
My chest tightens.I stare at the screen for a long moment before replying.
Maya: Yes.I’m sorry.I just needed to go.
Three dots appear.Disappear.Reappear.
Zach: Who upset you?
He keeps digging and if I’m not careful, he’ll soon get to the truth.
Maya: It’s not like that.
It’s not a lie.Just not the whole truth.I put the phone face down before he can ask more questions I don’t want to answer.My mother’s voice echoes in my head, a warning from all those years ago.
What am I doing with Zach?
My common sense has flown out of the window.What terrifies me most isn’t Paul Knight.It’s how much I care about Zach and how easily I could imagine a future with him.How tonight, before everything splintered, I was starting to think that being wanted openly by him, being accepted by his brothers, getting a sneak preview of the life he was inviting me into, it meant I could finally come to terms with the past.That I could handle it.
It’s never plain sailing.I ought to know that, after the life mom and I have lived.Loving Zach means standing in the shadow of his father and after tonight I’m not sure I’m strong enough to do.
“Maya?”A light knock on my door is followed by Fleur’s voice coming from the other side of it.I don’t answer, and I’m hoping she’ll think I’m asleep.But she knocks again.
“I know you’re not asleep, because you take ages doing your nighttime skincare routine.”
She opens the door a fraction, sees me, and rushes to my side, her face tightening with concern.
“Oh God,” she says.“What happened?”
