“At first, I was sure you were like the others and didn’t think a human could do it. I mean, it hasn’t exactly been smooth sailing with this whole me having no powers thing. But now… I don’t know. I guess I do have powers? Or I used to? That part is still a blur. I must have, right? That sort of comes with the whole son of a goddess package, right? You probably know that, too. Anyway, even though it’s weird that I’m sitting here pouring my heart out to you, I felt like it was important. Because I also realized that if you didn’t think I could do this as a human, you’d have let him kill me. But you didn’t. So I’m thinking you just don’t like me very much and even though you’re a guardian and have to be around me to do your sacred duty or whatever, you don’t like me or want to be around me.”
He heard movement in the trees, the softest sound, but one made intentionally. He’d never heard Yellow Eyes make a sound before. He wanted Sawyer to know he was there, that he was listening.Progress.
“And you know, you probably have a reason. Or maybe I’m just reading the situation wrong? I’m not perfect. I have no doubt you’ve at least figured that much out already. Just watching for as long as you have been has to have shown you some things.”
Sawyer gasped and looked up, his eyes wide. “I just realized what we’ve been doing in the hot tub and holy crap I should not be so embarrassed about this right now but sweet Goddess in the sky please tell me you haven’t seen all of that?”
Another soft sound.
“I’m going to take that as a no. I think you must be a pretty honorable guy. I mean, if you’re a guardian, that seems to come with the territory. So I’m going to go with the fact that you just… went somewhere else when we were…um, taking advantage of the hot tub. Or I guess I should say being taken advantage of in the hot tub.Sheesh.When am I ever going to get over being embarrassed by all this? I have eight mates. I need to learn to deal with it. No one sees my mates naked, though. Silly human qualm or not, that’s a rule. I mean, I don’t really get mad if it gets broken or anything, but still, we’re for each other and even though it sounds ridiculous, I don’t like sharing.”
Sawyer forced himself to calm down, to take one of those deep cleansing breaths Andvari was constantly reminding him to take. His vampire mate helped him stay grounded, to not lose control of his emotions. If only he could control his growling stomach, which chose that moment to remind him that he hadn’t eaten anything in nearly twelve hours. It was just the distraction he needed to get back on track.
“Oh, I brought you something to eat. I, um, made it myself. I had this idea that maybe if it came directly from me, you’d consider accepting it? You probably don’t know what the others’ intentions were, right? I mean, why should you trust food that they just randomly left out here for you. Seems very Hansel and Gretel to me, and we both know that didn’t end well for them. Not in the original fairy tale. Have you ever read those? They’re gruesome.”
Sawyer pulled the basket closer and opened it. He removed the glass container Viv had loaded with a heaping portion of his goulash. “Um, so anyway, I made this for you. Myself. No one else touched it. Okay, well, Viv technically put it in the container for me, but I was right there and she didn’t do anything to it. I promise.”
Sawyer leaned to the side and put the container on the ground. “So, if I like close my eyes and promise not to look, will you come get it and maybe consider eating it?”
He did exactly that. He bowed his head and squeezed his eyes shut. He concentrated on his breathing for several long minutes before he heard movement once more. He waited another few minutes before speaking again.
“Um, you ready? I kinda want to open my eyes again, but I don’t want you to think I’m trying to look.”
Another sound, this one from some distance away.
“Okay. Opening my eyes now.”
He glanced to the side and the food was gone. Sawyer couldn’t help but smile. “I’m glad you took it. I hope you like it. I don’t really cook a lot, but I think it turned out pretty good.”
Sawyer reached into the basket again and pulled out the thermos of his smoothie. Of course, Viv had snuck it in the basket along with everything else. He took a long drink and tried to fight his grimace. “This stuff really doesn’t get any better. I guess now I know why Cecil thinks I need to drink them, though. I mean, I’m not exactly clear on all the rules, but I’m pretty sure god powers in a human body aren’t the best combination.”
He took another drink.
“I think that’s what the whole null thing was about. Great big cosmic powers. Human body living space. Not really workable. Unless I had nothing, null, no powers. Maybe? I don’t know. It’s not like this stuff is all written down or something. Apparently before I… did whatever I did to get like this, I took all written record of myself away. I mean, it was probably smart, but I obviously didn’t think that human no-memory me would be floundering around with no clue about anything. Genius, right?”
He still had no clue what god-him had been thinking. There had to be a solution right there in front of him, one previous him had thought he’d be able to figure out easily. Or maybe not easily? Sawyer sighed.
“I wish I knew what I was supposed to do. That’s the thing. I really don’t know. There are all these pieces, but none of them fit together. Stuff has been going on for a long time, and I’m somehow supposed to fix it all? I don’t know. That’s what everyone tells me, anyway.”
He took another drink of smoothie, trying to ignore the slight tremble in his hand. Ever since that night, he’d been struggling. He’d grown weaker, and those weaknesses were beginning to get hard to hide.
“Anyway, I think I’m running out of time. And I still need to fix things with you. And I need to find the final guardian. I don’t have a clue how I’m supposed to do that. It scares me, though. I know whathe’scapable of. Especially since… well, I don’t really want to talk about that. I’m still trying to figure it out to be honest. But let’s just say my other sibling is cruel and heartless. He hurt kids, you know? That’s one of those lines you can’t just cross and come back from. It’s like, once you step onto that path, you don’t come back from it.”
Another noise, a huffing sound, filled with curiosity.
“Um, I guess that means you want to know what I’m talking about? Man, you aren’t going to make it easy for me, are you? Here I thought the whole I’m a human god thing would be what caught your interest. I get it, though. All of my guardians are really noble, and I bet you are, too.”
He took another drink.
“I’m stalling. Because this is hard to say. I know I couldn’t stop it. I was just a kid. But I still feel responsible. Anyway, the other guy, P—Pa—” Sawyer’s breath caught. “Sorry. I can’t say his name either. He, um, was experimenting on kids. For a long time. My mate, Henry, was one of them. Henry’s siblings, too. It was bad, you know? Henry doesn’t like to talk about it much, but I talked to his Papa once when I was checking on Mikey. He said Henry was scared for a long time, and that he usually wanted his Uncle Meshaq there with him to keep him safe. Do you know Meshaq? He’s the champion of one of my sisters, the fire goddess. A hellhound. Well, the alpha of the hellhounds. Or the alpha of alphas now? Something like that. They’re really nice, the hellhounds. I mean, they’re scary as hell too. Which, I guess, is the point. Dammit, I’m stalling again.”
Sawyer took another breath and another drink.
“So yeah, a bunch of kids were involved, and now my brother Nick is their alpha. My sisters intervened and are helping him find them all. I guess my other… sibling… somehow kept it hidden from everyone, and that’s another thing I have to figure out. But Nick was one of the kids too, and he’s really invested in making sure these kids are happy and healthy and have good lives from now on. I’m going to go check on Nick later. He’s got a lot on his plate, but we’re still making sure we visit Mikey as much as we can. I can’t go a lot, because it’s not safe to draw that much attention to the Jerricks’ clinic. But I have to go some. It’s Mikey, you know? He’s my brother.”
Sawyer glanced down at Draco again and drew a little strength from his sleeping mate. Everything was better with Draco beside him. If he thought it wouldn’t scare Yellow Eyes away, he’d have all his mates with him out here. He wanted them with him at all times, even though he was ridiculous for feeling so needy and clingy. He just didn’t feel safe unless they were around him.
He heard a caw from one of the trees and glanced up to see a raven staring down at him. Sawyer looked quickly away. He knew they were trying to communicate with him, but after that first day, when he’d been able to do that weird magic where he was able to direct them, he hadn’t been able to again. He just didn’t know.
