“Ouch.”Jimmy flinches.
“Shalini is kind.I deserved more than a slap for leading her on and denying her the all-encompassing love she deserves.”
Chapter 21
Price of hurt egos
ADITYA
“We agreed!”My voice rises in desperation.I glance around to check if the other patrons in the restaurant have noticed.The hurt on Shalini's face pricks at my heart, refreshing the wounds of the guilt I carry.
We are meeting at a cafe in Rajiv Chowk to get some paperwork done for the house I handed over to her in the divorce.The timing is convenient as the book launch happens today.
“Did you leave me any choice?You decided you are gay and dumped the fact on me one fine morning,” Shalini says through gritted teeth.
She has every right to carry the grudge, but for how long?I squeeze my eyes shut to calm my nerves.Patience.Be patient,I repeat in my mind.
“Sorry, Aditya, but I am not a saint.I went into the marriage with an open heart, but you?”She leaves so much unsaid.The implications hurt, but they are the truth.
“Shalini, I am sorry.I cannot undo what happened between us, and I will carry the guilt all my life, but we must move on at some stage.”I reach out and touch her hand, but she snaps it away.Right, I have earned this disdain.“Shalini, we were carrying three corpses on our shoulders.You, me, and our marriage.You were wilting away; I was choking.Forget love, the friendship we had forged was slipping out from between our fingers.Now we both have a chance to build something new.”
“What is my fault in all this?I gave my all.My heart, my love, my time.Doing everything to make the marriage work.Whereas you were looking somewhere else.”Shalini's eyes become moist.
“Not fair, Shalini.I never cheated.I respected you and the sanctity of our relationship.But marriage is more than commitment.Divorce gives us a chance to start anew with someone we love.”
“Aditya, we could have fallen in love if you had tried, but you were not present.”
How?Love is spontaneous, not scheduled.Love is an alien concept in most Indian marriages.Alliances are arranged based on clan, family, and compatibility.They last only due to those compulsions, binding two people who meet at the girl's house or in a restaurant for the first time.They are asked to decide on a brief chat, pledging their lives together.
“Have you found someone?”Shalini asks.
The question catches me off guard.Should I tell her about Jimmy?
What started as an exploration is now more significant than any other relationship in my life.The journey has been one hell of an adventure.Where and when did love overtake lust?Over the past few weeks, Jimmy has become more than a romp in bed.He has warmed his way into my heart.Each moment spent in his company is a cherished memory, whether with his friends or hiking through the forests to find cave paintings.
“Why do you say so?”I glance at Shalini, trying to decipher the meaning behind her question.
