“I can understand,” Jatin says.
Can he?Can anyone in a straight relationship even fathom what living as an outcast is like?Even I did not care for so long, being too comfortable in my straight-passing marriage.
“Jatin, many in the queer community have struggled all their life.Ostracised, harassed, beaten, thrown out of their homes, and denied a human life.People who have not experienced such fears cannot understand the importance of this case.”
After watching the queer spaces for the past two years, I am only now visualising the reality.“Life with friends in Almora is a steep learning curve.Each day brings forth their struggles – past and present.A positive verdict would kindle some hope for a future.
Will the pendulum swing again to our side, reversing the setback of 2013 and returning us the desperately needed reprieve from Article 377 the Delhi High Court granted in 2009?”
“Jatin, this is more than the law,” I continue.“Is the love between Kiron and Sudhanshu different from your love for Jasmeet?Should such love be considered less and sinful to deny a dignified life to a fellow human?”I take a deep breath to calm the heaviness building in my chest.
“Addy, I am as guilty as any other straight person.Never bothered before.No one around me belonged to the queer community.”Jatin straightens and stays silent for a few seconds, measuring his words.“You are the first queer person in my circle, and, I will confess, your coming out confused me.I took a few days to come to terms with this and for the facts to sink in.I Googled and tried to find out how I should behave.How should I support you?And I still worry.Something I say or do will hurt you.After you relocated to Almora, I blamed myself for not giving you the support you needed.Now, I am glad you found friends in Almora.”
“Yeah, they are a crazy but genuine bunch.”I smile at the memory of our expedition, which turned into a picnic atLakhudriyalast week.
“Are you planning to meet today?”Jatin asks.
“Yup.We are having dinner at Sudhanshu and Kiron's place.”This reminds me.I should make the pulao.“Got to go, buddy.Need to prepare a dish.”
“What are you cooking?No.Don't say a word; otherwise, I will be left drooling.Gosh, I miss your cooking.”He licks his lips.
“Hmm.So you miss only my cooking?”I tease him.
“Yeah, what can I do?You are so lovely.”He gives a flying kiss across the screen and switches off.
I remain seated for a while, brooding over my life.What did I have with Shalini?Was I living on borrowed sentiments?Indebted to her, weighed down by the safety marriage provided, and too scared to accept the embers burning inside me.Lying.Faking.To her and to others around us.Our hugs were genuine, but lacked connection.Our touches lacked warmth.The bodies embraced, but my heart remained aloof.I was the best actor in my life.
The intimacy with Jimmy makes me question those kisses after having tasted the excitement and anticipation of being with someone I love, someone with whom I am not boxed in by society's paradigms, a partner whom my body and heart desire.
The reminder on my phone for dinner prep goes off, breaking the silence in the room.Good.At least the next hour will fly.
***
“What is on fire?”Igrab my phone as a series of alerts diverts my attention from packing the pulao in the casserole.'377 gone'is at the top notification when I swipe to open the phone, followed by'SC decriminalises homosexuality'.There are congratulations from Jatin.But the message I open to read is in the group chat.
Kiron:Celebrations.Come for an early dinner.Waiting.
The message from Kiron is followed by heart and kiss emojis.
Jimmy:Yippee, I can't wait to meet you guys for a group hug.
Kenny:I am so getting wasted.Once we finish distributing the cakes and pastries, we will be there by seven.
Sudhanshu:Save a cake for us too.
Brian:No worries, dear.A special, delicious rainbow wonder is baking in the oven.
Sahil:Happy for my best friends.Love you guys.
I clasp the phone to my chest and gather the bag with the dinner, locking my door as I step out into the fresh mountain breeze.Tears trickle down despite the spring in my step towards the bus stand.A new ray of hope has filtered in.The bright sunlight of equality is still a distant dream, but at least a splinter has broken off from the iron door.
Thirty minutes later, I step into a group hug, squeezed tight by Kiron, Sudhanshu, Jimmy, and Sahil.The house is decorated with festoons.Jimmy and Sahil are still working on the balloons.Jimmy and Sudhanshu keep hugging each other in between putting the finishing touches on the decorations.Kiron is dazzling in their red sleeveless knee-length dress, worn over high heels and matching danglers in both ears.A beaming face in full makeup.Kiron hums as they lead me to the kitchen to ready the food.
We are all so happy.The court verdict is the first step.At least a same-sex couple can't be arrested for holding hands.Any deeper PDA would still go too far in Indian circumstances, where even heterosexual couples don't kiss in public places.
This is a start, but a more challenging climb lies ahead.Years of prejudice cannot go away with one court verdict.Normalisation and acceptance could take decades.A whole generation must understand.Only then will tangible, sustainable change occur.
My journey, though, is at a nascent stage.This group has accepted me, perhaps due to Jimmy.Will the wider community accept me?One only needs to go on social media to see the type of rhetoric, divisions, and gatekeeping that exists within the queer community.
